I wasn't going to do this. But I got 20 minutes into this movie, and I'd already yelled at the screen so much that I figured I should get it out this way instead of scaring my neighbors.
(I don't know if anyone actually cares about these live blogs. But I like doing it. So I'm going to keep doing it. But maybe just for animated movies.)
Let's do it.
I don't actually know much about this movie. I guess Jim Parsons and Rihanna are in it.
Wow. Yeah, Jim Parsons is definitely in it. I keep expecting this alien dude to knock three times asking for Penny.
This syntax is going to drive me nuts. Why are these aliens even speaking English? Maybe the universal translator is broken and garbling the message.
Whose voice is this? It sounds like Kent Eller. This is going to drive me nuts.
Oh! It's Steve Martin. That was not immediately obvious.
Okay, there should have been at least a few missiles fired off by now. Humanity is taking this way too well. I suppose nuclear annihilation is too heavy for a kids' movie.
I really want to smack him in the face. I don't know if I can do this much longer.
Toilets are useless? Do I want to know how these aliens excrete waste? No. And also yes.
Pause for a moment. Where exactly did they stick all the humans? Can you fit seven billion people onto one continent for a sustainable amount of time? Pretty soon, they're going to get tired of carnivals and fair food. And did the Boov account for different languages? Different cultures? Did they stick Sunni and Shi'ite next to each other? Are the Russians, Chinese, and Americans vying for supremacy? What about farmland? I don't like the logical conclusions here!
If toilets are useless, why does his apartment still have one?
I'm guessing colors mean something here. I think red is excitement. Not sure about the others.
Kitty!
Speaking of, what happened to all of the animals? I don't see any just roaming about now that humans are gone. Are the domesticated ones eventually going to die now?
I'm confused. Did this girl set all of this up in one afternoon? How long has it been since the Boov invaded?
Did they invade at Christmas? That's just rude.
Quite a resourceful child.
Oh's neighbors are jerks.
Yellow is panic. Or annoyance.
Deeper blue or purple is sad.
Kyle is a jerk. And I recognize that voice.
Red is also anger. (I'm about to have another Inside Out rant here.)
Why would you give a Boov you don't like access to everyone's email? Why do you even have a reply all button?
Penguins!
Are women the only ones who can speak properly? Why does a Boov computer not have a Boov voice?
See, cats know what's up.
Green is lying.
How old is this girl? It's impossible to judge age in animated films.
Smeck must have great control over his color change. It seems to be a rather involuntary thing in others, but he held it at bay during his speech.
Can't they just shut down the server? That would keep the message from getting out. All of these tech savvy kids in the theater were probably like, "Why don't they just change the password? It would be really easy to hack. Stupid adults are stupid." And don't tell me that they were all eight and wouldn't know what to do. Who fixes your iPhone?
The car is pretty cool. Not very inconspicuous, but cool nonetheless.
They have patterns, too?
I'm guessing that's why the Gorg are after them. They are seeking the Precious!
Like, did they just carve chunks out of the Earth? Why bother with the landmarks? As Oh would say, I am not with the understanding!
Oh good, I'm learning about how they excrete waste. I suppose I did say I wanted to know. But I could do with less of the toilet humor.
Is Rihanna listening to Rihanna songs? The meta is killing me.
I like the music otherwise.
I think this girl is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. I still want to punch Jim Parsons in the face.
There's a lot of movie left. Did we just solve the central conflict? Ish?
Of course it's Australia. The one place that actively tries to kill everyone who lives there.
Smeck is an ass. I've had that vibe from the beginning, and nothing is changing my mind.
Something tells me Steve Martin had a lot of fun voicing this. Or he stopped caring about five minutes in.
Are they just not bothered by the human in their midst? That strikes me as a much better reason to go after Oh than "you might make a mistake again."
I'm confused about the moral of this movie.
Oh good, the requisite "landed in water so we know they're not dead" shot.
Is Starry Night really that small?
Clever.
Can I get a property damage figure for this movie?
Aww, he's cute when he's happy.
This phone has amazing battery life.
Oh, good. The Gorg are here. And I'm pretty sure that would knock Saturn out of orbit, which in turn would probably destroy the solar system.
Yeah, they're all dead.
I really want a "Welcome to Earf" moment from this girl.
Oh look. Human crop circles.
So. Does Oh stay on Earth, or does he run away with his own kind?
Never mind. Although it's pretty bad when he's more afraid of his people than he is of the supposed enemy.
Watch your language, sir!
Oh yeah. These Boov ladies know what's up.
Go Kyle! (And I love his head gear.)
There's still a lot of movie left. Time enough to learn that friendship is magic, right?
Oh sure. Now the battery dies.
People. Stop standing around cheering. You have to get from Australia to the rest of your planet and start fixing it. The fallout from this will take years to overcome.
This movie has a lot of faith in humanity. A lone Boov wandering around, and no one is trying to kill it.
Yes! The Precious!
Yes, make sure you close the gate after going through. Very important.
Okay, there was a lot less space between the ship and the town before.
Wow. That's really dark for a kids' movie.
It's a little baby starfish! They totally stole that from Men in Black.
I'm amazed all those single-celled organisms are still alive with all that shushing they've been doing.
Seriously?! Two weeks later, you have the Eiffel Tower back in place? Who is your contractor?
So how does commerce work now? The Boov can apparently do pretty much anything. Is this how Star Trek happens? Is this an origin movie?
This is a weird movie. Cute. But weird.
Do I overthink these things? Yes. But I can't help that that's how my brain works.
Final verdict: it's worth watching. But probably only once. Maybe twice if you didn't understand it the first time.
I hope you've enjoyed the color commentary. (See what I did there?)
(I don't know if anyone actually cares about these live blogs. But I like doing it. So I'm going to keep doing it. But maybe just for animated movies.)
Let's do it.
I don't actually know much about this movie. I guess Jim Parsons and Rihanna are in it.
Wow. Yeah, Jim Parsons is definitely in it. I keep expecting this alien dude to knock three times asking for Penny.
This syntax is going to drive me nuts. Why are these aliens even speaking English? Maybe the universal translator is broken and garbling the message.
Whose voice is this? It sounds like Kent Eller. This is going to drive me nuts.
Oh! It's Steve Martin. That was not immediately obvious.
Okay, there should have been at least a few missiles fired off by now. Humanity is taking this way too well. I suppose nuclear annihilation is too heavy for a kids' movie.
I really want to smack him in the face. I don't know if I can do this much longer.
Toilets are useless? Do I want to know how these aliens excrete waste? No. And also yes.
Pause for a moment. Where exactly did they stick all the humans? Can you fit seven billion people onto one continent for a sustainable amount of time? Pretty soon, they're going to get tired of carnivals and fair food. And did the Boov account for different languages? Different cultures? Did they stick Sunni and Shi'ite next to each other? Are the Russians, Chinese, and Americans vying for supremacy? What about farmland? I don't like the logical conclusions here!
If toilets are useless, why does his apartment still have one?
I'm guessing colors mean something here. I think red is excitement. Not sure about the others.
Kitty!
Speaking of, what happened to all of the animals? I don't see any just roaming about now that humans are gone. Are the domesticated ones eventually going to die now?
I'm confused. Did this girl set all of this up in one afternoon? How long has it been since the Boov invaded?
Did they invade at Christmas? That's just rude.
Quite a resourceful child.
Oh's neighbors are jerks.
Yellow is panic. Or annoyance.
Deeper blue or purple is sad.
Kyle is a jerk. And I recognize that voice.
Red is also anger. (I'm about to have another Inside Out rant here.)
Why would you give a Boov you don't like access to everyone's email? Why do you even have a reply all button?
Penguins!
Are women the only ones who can speak properly? Why does a Boov computer not have a Boov voice?
See, cats know what's up.
Green is lying.
How old is this girl? It's impossible to judge age in animated films.
Smeck must have great control over his color change. It seems to be a rather involuntary thing in others, but he held it at bay during his speech.
Can't they just shut down the server? That would keep the message from getting out. All of these tech savvy kids in the theater were probably like, "Why don't they just change the password? It would be really easy to hack. Stupid adults are stupid." And don't tell me that they were all eight and wouldn't know what to do. Who fixes your iPhone?
The car is pretty cool. Not very inconspicuous, but cool nonetheless.
They have patterns, too?
I'm guessing that's why the Gorg are after them. They are seeking the Precious!
Like, did they just carve chunks out of the Earth? Why bother with the landmarks? As Oh would say, I am not with the understanding!
Oh good, I'm learning about how they excrete waste. I suppose I did say I wanted to know. But I could do with less of the toilet humor.
Is Rihanna listening to Rihanna songs? The meta is killing me.
I like the music otherwise.
I think this girl is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. I still want to punch Jim Parsons in the face.
There's a lot of movie left. Did we just solve the central conflict? Ish?
Of course it's Australia. The one place that actively tries to kill everyone who lives there.
Smeck is an ass. I've had that vibe from the beginning, and nothing is changing my mind.
Something tells me Steve Martin had a lot of fun voicing this. Or he stopped caring about five minutes in.
Are they just not bothered by the human in their midst? That strikes me as a much better reason to go after Oh than "you might make a mistake again."
I'm confused about the moral of this movie.
Oh good, the requisite "landed in water so we know they're not dead" shot.
Is Starry Night really that small?
Clever.
Can I get a property damage figure for this movie?
Aww, he's cute when he's happy.
This phone has amazing battery life.
Oh, good. The Gorg are here. And I'm pretty sure that would knock Saturn out of orbit, which in turn would probably destroy the solar system.
Yeah, they're all dead.
I really want a "Welcome to Earf" moment from this girl.
Oh look. Human crop circles.
So. Does Oh stay on Earth, or does he run away with his own kind?
Never mind. Although it's pretty bad when he's more afraid of his people than he is of the supposed enemy.
Watch your language, sir!
Oh yeah. These Boov ladies know what's up.
Go Kyle! (And I love his head gear.)
There's still a lot of movie left. Time enough to learn that friendship is magic, right?
Oh sure. Now the battery dies.
People. Stop standing around cheering. You have to get from Australia to the rest of your planet and start fixing it. The fallout from this will take years to overcome.
This movie has a lot of faith in humanity. A lone Boov wandering around, and no one is trying to kill it.
Yes! The Precious!
Yes, make sure you close the gate after going through. Very important.
Okay, there was a lot less space between the ship and the town before.
Wow. That's really dark for a kids' movie.
It's a little baby starfish! They totally stole that from Men in Black.
I'm amazed all those single-celled organisms are still alive with all that shushing they've been doing.
Seriously?! Two weeks later, you have the Eiffel Tower back in place? Who is your contractor?
So how does commerce work now? The Boov can apparently do pretty much anything. Is this how Star Trek happens? Is this an origin movie?
This is a weird movie. Cute. But weird.
Do I overthink these things? Yes. But I can't help that that's how my brain works.
Final verdict: it's worth watching. But probably only once. Maybe twice if you didn't understand it the first time.
I hope you've enjoyed the color commentary. (See what I did there?)
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