The Good Dinosaur Live Blog

I'm not sure I know enough about this movie to want to live blog it.

It has dinosaurs. And children. One of these is better than the other.

I suppose I should just get all the evolutionary crap out of the way right now. I guess you could call me a young Earther. Or a Middle Earther. (hehe)

Anything about "millions and billions of years ago" is ludicrous. 

So. Moving on. Hasn't even started yet. I'm rolling my eyes at the menu screen. 

Did scientists consult on this? They know astroids really aren't that close together, right? Star Wars does not represent real life.

Really? Millions of years later? That could literally be anywhere from 3 - 65 million years. How am I supposed to keep the continuity straight?

That water is really impressive. Kudos to the animators.

Except not, because this dinosaur looks stupid. I think they spent all of their money animating the water. 

Are - are they planting crops? 

THEY HAVE A HOUSE?!

Not sure I can do this for 84 more minutes. 

No. Irrigation. Just. No. 

Some egg is about to die. I've seen this in Finding Nemo. Possibly parents as well.

Disney makes me paranoid.

Okay. Tiny Dino is cute. 

That child is destroying a lot of plants. And by child, I mean dinosaur.

Ugh. That will be important for the future. Life lessons from Dad. 

Why does this sound like a Western? It's way too green. 

And sometimes fear is totally reasonable, Cool Dad. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but his siblings only had to plant a field and uproot a tree. This young dinosaur must now kill something. Did I get that right? Murder gets you a mark? OK. Whatever.

I did not realize this child was going to be feral.

Cool Dad is about to be Dead Dad. 

Yup. Called it. 

But you have one less mouth to feed. Why worry about the harvest?

Too soon?

Saw that coming. And that. 

Oh look, he dug his own grave. 

Sorry. I'm already bored. And really cynical. 

And I think he's on top of a volcano. 

Androcles and the Lion! Which is which?

These possum things are hilarious. 

This kid is like a really angry cat. 

This kid really was raised by wolves. 

This snake has legs. 

I am highly amused by the chameleon dinosaur. And his love for Debbie. 

Ew. I hate leeches. 

And now they're on drugs. What even is this movie?

Ah, dead parents. The Disney staple. 

I'm not crying. Shut up. 

Aaand he ran into a tornado. 

That was unexpected. 

Twitchy fellas. Don't trust them. 

I think I saw this in Jurassic Park. More murder in that movie, though. Where's Indoesntexisist?

Sam Elliott! 

Mesa Verde! The whole Western thing is starting to make sense. 

Yeah, I had the same thought, kid. 

What the heck are these things? Rats with feathers?

I'm not sure I'll ever get the sight of a T Rex herding cows out of my head. 

Bull what now? Don't pretend it didn't happen. I heard you. We all heard you. 

That's cool. But he has no idea what is in the fog. I've seen 28 Days Later. The answer is zombies. 

Oh look. More wolves. I mean people. 

That is the very definition of kidnapping. 

Aliens? Reverse sharks?

Oh. Those dumb bird things. 

Ghost dinosaur!

I keel you!

I'm not sure what that accomplished. 

That's not how CPR works. 

Lots more wolf people. 

You're crying. Shut up. 

Ohana means family. And that means no one gets left behind. 

Wait. Wrong movie. 

We never returned to the volcano thing. Or chameleon and Debbie. I need closure. 

I don't understand the message of this movie. And where are all the other dinosaurs? 

Conclusion: I don't even know, man. It's mildly entertaining? I guess? I cried meaningless tears over a dinosaur and his pet feral child. 

...

Why is it called The Good Dinosaur?