Is the world spinning for anyone else? And I don't just mean metaphorically. Hale and hearty are not adjectives I'm familiar with right now. (No coronaviruses, though that appears to be old news these days.) Have you ever tried to diagnose something when you can't actually visit a doctor's office? But aside from some minor bellyaching, I'm persevering. Ugh.
Anyway. Work is progressing nicely. More VCP lessons in the can. Lots of meetings about future projects. And I'm thinking about my next prayer letter. If I thought finding content for April was hard, June is going to be even harder.
I realize I'm often delving into personal matters on here. That's pretty much what a blog is for, even if it is primarily a way to connect to people about my missionary journey. But everything that has happened lately - COVID-19, George Floyd, protests, riots, the apocalypse in general - it has thrown me for more than one loop. I was already struggling to maintain some kind of mental equanimity. But now I'm juggling anxiety, anger, sadness - you name an emotion, I've probably felt it. (I've been part of this study about mental health during the last few months, and I'm probably throwing off their results, because they always ask what emotions you had in the last 24 hours, and I pretty much always check every box.) And part of me wants to speak out and tell everyone exactly how I feel about everything. And an equal part of me doesn't want to invite that kind of scrutiny. I don't want to be told that what I'm feeling is wrong. It isn't. It's an emotion. It just is. My response to those emotions absolutely is up for judgment, but only by one authority I actually acknowledge. I don't like painting with broad strokes or assuming I know something just because of one visible characteristic. I like dealing with people one at a time. I have an opinion of someone based on my interactions with them. That's it. I have impressions of people I haven't met, but those are always open for correction once I actually get to know someone.
Mostly, I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly shifting emotions, I'm tired of listening to people shout over each other, I'm tired of being shamed for what I did or didn't do, I'm tired of the realization that this is how life is on Earth. We live in a fallen world. No political system, religion, progressive ideal, or -ism is going to change anything for the better. Only Truth can do that. And until we all start using Scripture as the basis for every decision we make - and I'm talking ALL of Scripture, in its context, not cherry-picked to present our pet argument - nothing is going to change. We'll all just keep trying to get one over on everybody else instead of realizing that we are all created in the image of God, and as such, we are all worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.
I'm sad. Not even a fraction of how sad God is right now, and I don't know how he stands it, because the weight is crushing me. So please, for the love of God, let's all start with the one thing we can change - our own heart. Examine it against Scripture. Search for Truth. And then you can start looking at your neighbor to see how you can help instead of win.
Bye.
Anyway. Work is progressing nicely. More VCP lessons in the can. Lots of meetings about future projects. And I'm thinking about my next prayer letter. If I thought finding content for April was hard, June is going to be even harder.
I realize I'm often delving into personal matters on here. That's pretty much what a blog is for, even if it is primarily a way to connect to people about my missionary journey. But everything that has happened lately - COVID-19, George Floyd, protests, riots, the apocalypse in general - it has thrown me for more than one loop. I was already struggling to maintain some kind of mental equanimity. But now I'm juggling anxiety, anger, sadness - you name an emotion, I've probably felt it. (I've been part of this study about mental health during the last few months, and I'm probably throwing off their results, because they always ask what emotions you had in the last 24 hours, and I pretty much always check every box.) And part of me wants to speak out and tell everyone exactly how I feel about everything. And an equal part of me doesn't want to invite that kind of scrutiny. I don't want to be told that what I'm feeling is wrong. It isn't. It's an emotion. It just is. My response to those emotions absolutely is up for judgment, but only by one authority I actually acknowledge. I don't like painting with broad strokes or assuming I know something just because of one visible characteristic. I like dealing with people one at a time. I have an opinion of someone based on my interactions with them. That's it. I have impressions of people I haven't met, but those are always open for correction once I actually get to know someone.
Mostly, I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly shifting emotions, I'm tired of listening to people shout over each other, I'm tired of being shamed for what I did or didn't do, I'm tired of the realization that this is how life is on Earth. We live in a fallen world. No political system, religion, progressive ideal, or -ism is going to change anything for the better. Only Truth can do that. And until we all start using Scripture as the basis for every decision we make - and I'm talking ALL of Scripture, in its context, not cherry-picked to present our pet argument - nothing is going to change. We'll all just keep trying to get one over on everybody else instead of realizing that we are all created in the image of God, and as such, we are all worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.
I'm sad. Not even a fraction of how sad God is right now, and I don't know how he stands it, because the weight is crushing me. So please, for the love of God, let's all start with the one thing we can change - our own heart. Examine it against Scripture. Search for Truth. And then you can start looking at your neighbor to see how you can help instead of win.
Bye.
Well said. All of it. But I am sad about the spinning world situation.
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