One Year

(I am fully aware that I have not yet posted the blog about Poland. I'm working on it.)

So. Despite the fact that I have been thinking about/planning this post for the last month, the actual date has caught me unawares. It wasn't until I was speaking to one of my fellow CROSS-trainees who just returned from the field after a year. I should have realized it sooner, because this morning was the graduation for the new group of trainees. I even took pictures for it, but the whole year anniversary thing completely slipped past me.

Duh.

Anyway. I've been here for a year. A whole year! This feels so weird to me. In some ways, I feel like I just arrived, like I'm still trying to figure everything out. But in many ways, it feels like I've been here forever.

Now that I've reached this milestone, however, I'm finding it difficult to really celebrate it. All I can think about is the future. There are two ways to look at it.

1. I still have a year left on my contract.
2. I only have a year left on my contract!

Where has the time gone?

I guess the first question is, has it been a good year? I think the overall answer has to be yes. There have been ups and downs, but I really can't complain about my experiences at OMS. I've traveled to some amazing places, I've met awesome people, and I work daily with really fantastic friends.

Am I still where God wants me? Absolutely! I committed to two years because I felt that this is where God was leading me. I still feel very secure in that.

Have I made a difference being here? I'm not really the one to ask, but I do believe that I have contributed to OMS, and I would like to think that God has used my work to benefit his kingdom.

Will I be with OMS forever and ever, amen? I can't answer that. If I stay with OMS, that means more support to raise. If I don't stay with OMS, then I have to figure out where I would go, what I would do, would I stay with missions, would I go back to school... There's a lot to consider.

How will I celebrate this occasion? I'll probably go home and clean my apartment. It needs it. I'm not really a party person, anyway.

I know. Shocking.

I guess for now, I'll leave you with an awesome photo taken this morning for October's Prayer and Praise Guide.



See? I'm happy.

Re-entry

I feel the need to explain some of my post-trip decompression process. It is not a fool-proof method, and really, you should only use it if you don't mind ending up with severe neuroses like mine.

1. Plan for re-entry before you leave. This is incredibly important. You are the only one who knows how you process things. Do you need people? Do you need quiet? Every trip you go on is a life-changing experience, and if you aren't prepared to process what you see and hear, you will lose some of what you could have learned. Personally, I need some quiet time with my family (usually my parents). My mom always knows which questions to ask to draw out those little nuggets of gold, but she also respects that it may take me some time to answer a specific question.

2. Journal. Religiously. I don't care if you just write a list of your activities, take the time at the end of the day to write. Write about what happened, how it made you feel, things you overheard, people you were frustrated by - whatever, vomit as much as you can on the page. It's really easy to forget the little things that brightened your day if you don't write them down. I have a specific journal that I use for all my trips, because a lot of what I experience has happened before in some form or another. It's easier to go back and see how certain things were handled if it's all in one place.

3. Don't make any monumental decisions for at least two days after you get home. It would be really easy to come back from the poverty of Africa and decide you really don't need all that stuff in your house. And yeah, you may not need it. But take a few days to think about it. Are you ready to give all your money to the Nicaragua building fund? Fantastic. Can you afford it? Probably not. It's okay to want to take action about what you've seen; in fact, I would encourage it. But do it in a way that makes sense for you.

4. Talk to people about your trip. I know, you didn't expect to see that on any list I made, but it is important. There are certain things to remember, though. First, I'm going to address the more verbose members of my audience. You will have no problem with this. In fact, you are going to tell everyone you meet about this trip, regardless of whether or not they want to hear about it, and that's fine. But respect your audience. No one has experienced exactly what you have on this trip, and they may not be quite as enthused about the things you saw as you are. That's why it's important to plan ahead. Do you have people who will listen to you no matter what? Talk to them first. They will listen to all you have to say, and then they can help you pick out some shorter stories that you can tell to the less patient individuals who ask about your trip but don't really want to hear everything.

Now, as for the rest of us, I realize that asking you to talk is akin to asking you to climb into the lion cage at the zoo - utterly unthinkable. But people can actually have some value for you at this stage. Take your time to think and process on your own, but when people ask you questions about your trip, try to answer them with more than four words. They might ask you things you wouldn't think about on your own. I was really frustrated when I got back from Thailand and South Asia because I was having a hard time processing things. But the more people asked me about the trip, the more I was able to think and process.

Also, for both types of people, it may help to have a reunion with the people who were with you on the trip. Then again, it may not. But if you do, try to forgive the people who really annoyed you. It'll help with the next one.

5. Be at peace. Whatever your final conclusions are about the trip, you aren't done with re-entry until you make your peace with it. Whether you have some things to change, decisions to make, people to forgive or ask forgiveness of, don't start something else until you feel peace in your soul about your trip. I hesitated when I was first asked to go to Poland because I still wasn't at peace over South Asia. Once I had settled things there, I could concentrate on seeking God's will about Poland.

You should be able to track this process pretty well in my blog posts. I may not mention it at all, but you will be able to tell how I'm doing by the length of time it takes me to get a trip post done.

On that note, expect the Poland post to be up soon.

A Weekend Long Post

What? I missed a day this week?! That totally throws off the whole vlog-a-day thing I was going for! Man... it was going to be EPIC!!!

Anyway.

Wow... This thing has been sitting on my desktop for about four hours. And judging by the number of times I've already minimized it, there may not be a post until next week. I'm trying, I really am, but I get easily distrac-

SQUIRREL!!

What was I saying?

It's three hours later again, so I've completely forgotten.

If this were live, you'd probably be starting a betting pool by now. "Will she finish? When? Will there be any substance to this post when she finally gives up?"



Umm... It's Saturday now. Almost Sunday.



And now it's Monday. I think it is pretty much guaranteed that there will be nothing worthwhile to read in this. But I'm going to post it anyway.

July Radio

Man, I'm just going to town with these posts!

This spot was written by yours truly and features my boss's boss, one of our Communications interns and our resident radio expert as the announcer.

Lions and Snakes and Wobbly Brains

Every so often, I'll put my iPod on shuffle and the songs that come forth fit perfectly with my mood. This isn't entirely a surprise considering the only songs I put on my (old) iPod were ones I really liked that fit my personality. Still, there is a good mix of fast, slow, ballads and instrumentals, so when five or six songs in a row hit the right note (pun intended), it is a nice feeling.

This has not happened to me for a long time.

However, BibleGateway has this option where you can get a daily verse delivered right to your email, and I would like to share with you some that have been especially poignant.

May 30 - "In God, whose word I praise -- in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals to do me?" Psalm 56:4

June 24 - "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

July 7 - "As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." Psalm 18:30

As you may recall, I was engaged in some serious spiritual warfare before my trip to Poland. My friends and family were being attacked, I was being hit with serious doubt and that mangy old lion--

Curious, isn't it, that C.S. Lewis chose a lion to represent Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia. While a lion certainly is majestic, it is also a fearsome beast. Of course, Lewis made a point of making sure everyone knew that Aslan was not a tame lion. I just think it is an odd choice, especially since Peter described Satan as a roaring lion, seeking those he could devour. Maybe Lewis used The Last Battleto reconcile these opposing views. Puzzle was a pathetic lion, to be sure, but Shift, as the power behind the deception, certainly capitalized on the 'not a tame lion' bit.

Sorry. Now you know how my thought process works. It's amazing I ever get anything done.

Anyway, the rotten snake (no problems there) was doing his level best to tear me apart before the trip. By the grace of God, I won the majority of the skirmishes. I left for my trip on June 24.

I'm not going to get into everything here. For one, there are people who might read this who I haven't told certain things, some because they haven't asked, but others because I just didn't want to tell them. I would hate for anything I said to cause problems with them. Also, I haven't quite worked out everything for myself, and while I could do that as I write, no one wants to work their way through the mess that would follow.

Suffice to say, this was not the best trip I've ever been on. It was also not the worst trip I've ever been on. (That would be my first trip to Poland.) There were plenty of challenges, plenty of blessings, but when I think about what could have happened if I had already been beaten and broken, all I can do is thank God for His faithfulness. It shouldn't come as any surprise that he knows what he is doing.

Well, this started in one corner of my brain and ended up somewhere completely different. I'll end it here, hoping I haven't completely frustrated you all once again by saying a lot and very little at the same time.

If you have any resources on Lewis' reasoning behind making Aslan a lion, I would be very interested to read it.

Oh....

...hey.




Soooooooooo....

I'm back.




More to follow.

Hostel Internet

Every website that I visited that is connected in any way with Google is in Polish. Shouldn't they intuitively know I am an American in Poland? Sheesh. (Incidentally, variations of that word mean both 'hi' and 'six' in Polish. I can't explain it either.)

So, I've been in Poland for more than a week, but this is the first time that I have actually had a) internet access and b) more than two minutes to sit down and write something. Things were crazy at the English camp! We had about 55 students, all with varying levels of English ability. We had to do quite a bit of adapting on the fly, which is always frustrating and challenging. I think we ended up with some really good stuff, though, and I hope the students were able to learn and have fun at the same time.

We are now in Krakow, staying at a hostel just off the city square. We spent the day in Auschwitz. It was miserable, first because of the subject matter, and second because of the weather. My umbrella is pretty much trashed from the wind and rain. I don't think I've dried out yet. It was definitely appropriate ambiance for the concentration camps, though. It was more than sobering - it was horrifying. As someone who has spent no small amount of time studying World War II, I found the whole experience provided some excellent perspective. It was definitely interesting to hear things from several different points of view. Our tour guide certainly didn't pull any punches. It was also interesting to see just how little is left of Birkenau. I have to clarify somewhat, because Birkenau is absolutely huge. It covers quite a few square kilometers, but the Germans tried to destroy most of it when they realized the Red Army was about to arrive. Very little has been restored at Birkenau, but I could easily have spent another two hours just walking around the camp.

I could also spend all of this post talking about what I saw today, but I will refrain.

Poland, like most of Europe, feels very old and quaint. I keep taking photos, but I don't think any of them will do it justice. Besides, you don't want to see 1300 photos from my trip, anyway.



I may post again tomorrow, but in all honesty, I probably won't post anything until I'm back home. I need to organize my thoughts. For now, I will bid you adieu.