The Weekly Wrap-Up: March 14-18, 2022

I got to walk outside TWICE this week during the day. I'm not even going to complain that we're going to be cold again because Spring is Springing it up around here, and I am so here for that. 

This was a productive week! I published an Amharic volume and then a group of Indonesian booklets. I was able to resolve an issue with French booklets. I worked on many small projects and attended my usual meetings with aplomb. If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too. 

Name that song reference.

Anyway, yes, it has been a good week. But we always have plenty more to do.

The main thing I want to focus on this week is a trip my boss and his wife are taking. They are going to Hungary for a couple of weeks to help with the refugee crisis there. Our team in Hungary has already been hosting many of the missionaries who had to evacuate Ukraine, and they have also been sending teams to the border with food and other supplies. My boss has a lot of ties to Eastern Europe, and I know this situation has weighed heavily on him. So please be praying for them as they travel and as they do what they can in a very precarious situation. 

Otherwise, have a good one, don't do anything I wouldn't do, and stay in school. 

Bye!

A Decade of Service

10 years.

Crikey.

I told Patty Collins once that I wanted to make it to 10 years at OMS because then, when I die, I will make it into the Outreach In Memoriam section.

She told me I needed a better reason to stay.

Which, yeah, okay, that's probably true. And there's the whole "God called me here and won't let me leave" angle that we can talk about ad nauseum.

Ahem.

Anyway, the whole Outreach thing got me thinking - what exactly is going to end up in those 3-4 sentences?

It feels very "old white male politician" to be talking about my legacy. But that's where I find myself.

There's a temptation to talk about "the work." And the work is important. I've been in 3 distinct departments since I joined OMS in 2010. There have been aspects of each I've enjoyed. And there have been aspects of each that have been challenging. I'm a behind-the-scenes person. I like it that way. And while I've learned never to say never around here, it's unlikely that I'll ever be a front-line missionary. But the work I do supports people on the front lines. You can't fight a world war without your factories churning out B-52s and M16s.

But I don't want it to be all about the work. That reduces a life down to a series of metrics, and while useful for statistical purposes, they don't really tell you anything about a person. And as we all know, I'm all about the individual.

So I asked around. And as it turns out, people had some pretty nice things to say about me.

"You have a true passion for Christ that won't be swayed by uncomfortable topics and issues that might shake others."

"I am your #1 fan." (That might have been my sister.)

"You have always been obnoxious." (That might have been my other sister.)

"I am very proud of your work at OMS and your commitment to the Christian faith."

"She came, she served, she made a difference."

"You have allowed yourself to learn lessons that God is teaching you, even if you didn't really want to be taught."

And my favorite: "Lover of history, lover of swords, and most importantly lover of Jesus."

That sword thing came up a lot, oddly enough.

One definition of 'legacy' is a gift that is handed down from generation to generation. And I think I want my gift to be Jesus. There's a song by Casting Crowns that spells it out really well. 

All the kingdoms built, all the trophies won

Will crumble into dust when it's said and done

'Cause all that really mattered (is)
Did I live the truth to the ones I love?

Was my life the proof that there is only One

Whose name will last forever?

I don't want to leave a legacy.

I don't care if they remember me.

Only Jesus.

I've only got one life to live.

I'll let every second point to Him.

Only Jesus.

Let's face it. The idea of a legacy is getting some serious facetime in the news these days. Statues are being torn down, some of people who probably shouldn't have been immortalized, some of people who lived lives worthy of remembrance. All of them did good and bad things. But what counts is their legacy. Did they do something worthy of being emulated?

Here's what I want people to remember about me: She loved Jesus, and she encouraged others to do the same.

So what's next? Another 10 years? I have no idea. I didn't think I'd last this long in the first place, so I couldn't begin to speculate. I promised a long time ago (as referenced above) that I'd be here as long as God wanted me to be here. And if he needs me elsewhere, that's where I'll be.

Wherever the journey leads, I hope you'll be right there with me. I appreciate all of you (silent though many of you are), and I thank God that he has provided such excellent companions along the way. 

Here's to the next stretch... 

[title of post]

This will have to suffice as my weekly update. I could cobble something together, talk about my love of Hakha Chin and how fast the current project is going. I could talk about the prayer rally on Wednesday and how I sang and somehow got asked to pray, and we all know how much I love public prayer. I could do a lot of things.

Or rather, I should. Used to be able to. It's a toss up from day to day on what I can actually do.

I'm struggling.

I've been struggling. For six months now, maybe longer, I've been telling myself that it's not that bad. At least I can still take care of stuff around the house. At least I'm still sleeping fairly well. At least I'm still eating. At least I'm functioning.

And I made excuses. Dishes can wait another day or so. I have plenty of clean clothes. My pillows are old, so it makes sense I wouldn't sleep well. I have a lot on my mind, so of course I'm staying up later. I'm trying to lose weight. I'm just not hungry.

But people keep asking me how I'm doing. Most of them don't actually care, it's just a thing you say. And the proper reply, the polite reply, is to say 'fine' and move on. Except it feels like lying now. I started saying I was 'okay, for given values of okay,' except with the last part under my breath because it made people uncomfortable.

I can't give you a reason. I can give you fifteen reasons. I'm not totally alone in this. I am talking to people. But it's weighing on me. I feel like I'm doing a terrible job of hiding it. I feel like I'm doing too good a job of hiding it. And I don't know why I'm trying to hide it anymore.

I'm sorry this isn't the normal fare you come here for. Just, I might mention it again. And I might never talk about it. I don't know what I want your response to be. I just know that silence never helped anyone. Unless you're living in the universe of "A Quiet Place."

I'm functioning still. I'm working on the other stuff. I read. I watch movies. I hang out with friends. I work. I'm still me. I'm just more me than people are used to dealing with.

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Gotta get up and try, and try, and try

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Is 2016 Over Yet?

I'm trying really hard to throw a pity party for myself.

I came home to an astronomical medical bill from the whole kidney stone thing. And then more bills from the urologist, my bank, and Amazon. I got a call from someone I really can't deal with right now for a lot of reasons. I'm sick. The expectations of this day and the hopes for the coming year are weighing me down like stones on Giles Corey.

I'm listening to flipping Tracy Chapman, for crying out loud!

But I just can't keep it up. Well, okay, I could. But I really have no reason to. Because along with the bills, my mail included a couple of gifts from people just because they wanted to be a blessing. I have heat, a car, a place to live, awesome parents, great sisters, and a God who promised to be with me every step of the way.

This is such a hard time of year for so many people. We're coming down from a huge hit of endorphins and extreme emotions. We've spent too little or too much time with people we can easily love from a distance but with close proximity bring up old memories both good and bad. We probably expected too much out of the holiday, either in gifts or personal connections, and chances are we didn't get it. If we did, we discovered it doesn't really fill that void. And to top it all off, the weather either contributes to or isn't cooperating with our mood.

Welcome to the New Year Blues.



This is a momentary thing, I know. I'll figure out how to pay my medical bills. I'll stop buying stuff on Amazon for a while. I'll get rid of this cold. People will stop asking me about resolutions eventually. My friend will hopefully get better.

In the meantime, I'm relying on tried and true methods of distraction. And I'm leaning a little more heavily on God.

Happy New Year.

The Weekly Wrap-Up: July 25-29, 2016

I am terrible at getting to sleep on time. Truly awful.

Seriously.

This week was filled with training, app meetings, app construction, and a day-long marketing conference.

That's pretty much it. I don't have any witty words this week. I'm tired.

See above.

Sorry. It's not my intention to be short. I've just got nothing to really chat about this week.

Oh! I have been listening to the Hamilton soundtrack. It's fun, if not entirely historically accurate. I'll be rapping all weekend now. I should apologize in advance for that. 

It's the Little Things

Have you heard the news? Bad things come in twos. But I never knew 'bout the little things. Every single day, things get in my way. Someone has to pay for the little things.
--excerpt from "The Little Things" by Danny Elfman

Ignore for a moment that this song was written about revenge. The words by themselves are actually pretty accurate. Bad things do seem to come in pairs (or triads), and you're somewhat prepared for those, or at least the possibility of them. But no one ever talks about the little things that go along with being an adult - all those tiny things that you have to keep track of or they grow to be huge issues that throw you off. And then someone has to pay the piper.

I had one of those this week.

I typically keep my car in the garage in the winter. I don't use it as much, but when I do need it, I don't want to deal with the ice and unpleasantness that colder temperatures bring. And the garage is pretty dark. And when I do leave, I'm pretty much looking behind me to make sure I don't run over anything. So I don't really look at the garage floor to see if the car is leaking anything important. Oil, for example.

It wasn't until I was parked overnight in the drive of the house where I'm cat-sitting (Bonnie is adorable, by the way) that the neighbor (who happens to work at OMS) called me up and said, "There's something leaking from your car. You should get it checked out."

And, sure enough, both oil and water had been leaking from my car. So I take it to the garage, and there I am informed that I need a new oil gasket and water pump.

Not what I was expecting. Not what I needed. Just another little thing that turned into me spending $$$ I don't have.

Now, it's unhealthy to dwell on Little Things. Dwelling leads to the dark places, and I have enough pathways to those already without creating new ones. So, I try to find the good parts of the little things. For example:

• The problem was noticed and corrected before it damaged the engine.
• I was not without transportation for a significant period of time.
• My tax refund will cover the cost of the repairs.
• The world has not ended.

So no matter how irksome the little things get, it's important to remember that they do not need to define our attitude or actions. 

But they are still annoying. 

The Blue and the Gray

(Edit: I wrote this back in November 2013, but I'm posting it in April 2014. For some reason, it didn't post then, and I didn't want it to get lost in the mix.)


I just got a new old CD in the mail. Two, actually, both of which I'm excited about, but one that makes me extremely happy.

Way back in 1982, a mini-series aired on CBS called The Blue and the Gray. For some reason, my family latched onto that as one of four movies we watched in our house.

(I'm not joking. I don't remember watching any movies that weren't educational outside of those four - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (of which I wasn't allowed to watch the first ten minutes until I turned at least 13); The Scarlet Pimpernel (the 1982 version - popular year - the soundtrack of which is coincidentally the second CD I received); and The Three Musketeers (the 1993 version, which, despite the presence of one Charles Sheen portraying Aramis, I still love dearly, and which gave me my undying love of Chris O'Donnell) - and I didn't watch other movies until I realized just how awesome movies were and started buying them left and right. My bank account is forever grateful to Netflix.)

But some of my earliest memories are of this mini-series. This is probably where my love of the Civil War was kindled. The story is really a giant soap opera, and the writers managed to cram every coincidence and important event of the war into a little over three hours, but I loved this movie. One family: a branch living in Gettysburg (natch!) and a branch living in Virginia, their stories told by a son of the Virginia branch who refuses to fight for the South after a freed slave is lynched on their property, but also refuses to carry arms for the North against his three brothers. He becomes a newspaper artist and manages to travel the length and breadth of the war, even meeting Abraham Lincoln. Despite the depressing lack of Ulysses S. Grant (he got two minutes max!), I knew this was something special. And imagine my joy when I discovered not too far into my teens that I'd been stuck with the TV version my whole life when I could have been watching the extended version! Pure euphoria.

But it's the music that really sells this series. One of the musical themes reminds me of the hymn "Be Thou My Vision," and for the longest time I would shudder every time I heard "Rock of Ages." (You'd understand if you watched the film.) The score complemented every scene perfectly, as evidenced by the fact that I, a proud Yankee, cried when Robert E. Lee gave his farewell address to his men. The horror and suspense of The Wilderness is magnified by the long, piercing notes of a violin. The deaths of the family members, two on each side, each different and moving and entirely due to war, are underscored by mournful and foreboding themes. And who knew a harmonica could be used to such great effect?

I could go on and on. But I'll leave you with this sampling of the music and encourage you to check out the series for yourself.

The Utz Factor, New Year Edition

'My Dear Acquaintance' by Regina Spektor

I discovered Regina Spektor many years ago in high school. She's quirky, which appealed to me immediately. And she's great at putting social issues into verse. This isn't the traditional Auld Lang Syne that we hear every year around this time. This song is a just a little more thoughtful. It captures perfectly the hopes and fears we have as we look to the year ahead.



Happy New Year, everyone.

The Utz Factor, Christmas Edition, Part 5

'Remember' by Trans Siberian Orchestra

I'm not sure I can pick a favorite TSO Christmas song. They each have their own unique flair. But this one seems appropriate as the Christmas season draws to a close. This song is a perfect storm for me - steady beat, choirs, melody and counter-melody and harmony. I always listen and feel satisfied, like I've accomplished something.

It's a good feeling.






Not sure if I'll continue this series. Lord knows, I have enough songs to go years. We'll see what happens.

The Utz Factor, Christmas Edition, Part 4

'Stille Nacht' by Mannheim Steamroller

I like most of MS' stuff to be honest. But this song is just about the most peaceful thing I can think of. It's part of my playlist for Christmas Eve, playing as we read about the birth of Jesus in Luke, preferably by a fire with the flames and tree lights the only light going. The combination of strings and quiet vocals is incredibly calming. And then the ending comes, and it's just that right touch of different for me.

Beautiful.

The Utz Factor, Christmas Edition, Part 3

'Carol of the Bells' by EVERYONE EVER

This is probably my favorite Christmas song ever. I say probably because there are one or two that come pretty close and do occasionally usurp the position. But it's consistently in the top three. I like it because it sounds awesome whether you play it in a major or minor key. It's repetitive without being annoying, and you can find some amazing harmonies. I have about 15 versions of this song in iTunes. I don't think I have a favorite - everyone seems to find a fresh spin on it. I think I like it so much because it's so happy - Christmas is here! How awesome is that?!

(And take some time to check out Pentatonix - they have some really cool stuff!)

The Utz Factor, Christmas Edition, Part 2

'Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays' by *N Sync

I know. Believe me, I know. But this song was probably my first experience of a Christmas song that wasn't actually traditional. It's very happy and upbeat, and it has a decent message. And the harmony! Oh, the harmony!

So shush.

The Utz Factor, Christmas Edition, Part 1

'The Winter's End' by ??????

Obviously, there are about a million utzy songs at Christmas. Christmas oozes with utz. That's the whole point. But over the years, I've found a few Christmas-ish jingles that fall outside the norm but still warm the cockles of one's heart. Which is just weird.

Wouldn't you know, this first song would be a doozy to find a reference for. I'm only 85% certain it's actually called 'The Winter's End,' and I don't remember where I found it. I just know it's pretty and perfect for a snowy afternoon with tree lights twinkling softly.

Listen Music Files - Share Audio - 04 The Winter's End

The Utz Factor, Thanksgiving Edition

'Bonaparte's Retreat/Hoedown' by Jay Ungar and Molly Mason

YouTube doesn't have the exact version I wanted. So we're trying this. Hopefully it works. In honor of Thanksgiving, we're visiting my love of fiddles. This song is just happiness. You can't listen to it and not tap your foot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

http://www.divshare.com/download/24633441-53a

The Utz Factor, Part 7

'Some Nights' by fun.

I realize the majority of my utzy songs are slow and instrumental. This song is not. But I love it just as much as the rest. And not just because the music video is about the Civil War. This song has all the things I love most - strong male vocals, interesting harmonies, great lyrics and a driving beat. This song can get me amped up no matter what mood I'm in. And they actually manage to use auto-tune in a non-annoying manner!

The Utz Factor, Part 6

'Ljosio' by Olafur Arnalds

I heard this song by way of a fanfiction I was reading. See, I also write stories, and when I write, I use the utzy playlist to find inspiration for certain scenes. This song is for the scene just before the end - remember the past, understanding what it has taught us, and beginning to look toward the future. It's such a light tune, but the counter-melody weighs it down just enough. Also, I'm pretty sure the composer is Icelandic. How cool is that? (Get it?)

The Utz Factor, Part 5

'Still' - Black Hawk Down soundtrack

To this day, I'm not sure if I can explain why I like this movie so much. I can't actually watch it too often. I have a few movies like that. You love them, but it hurts too much to watch them sometimes. Movies like Saving Private Ryan, The Passion of the Christ and Glory. But I think I like this movie because it's one of the most realistic portrayals (in my opinion, and I realize that's not worth much considering I've never been in combat and am not a soldier) of a war zone. Once the shooting starts, everything happens in real time, and you're never quite sure what is going on. This song reminds me that sometimes, there are calm moments in a storm.

(The video cuts off about 7 seconds, not sure why.)

The Utz Factor, Part 4

'Valley of the Shadow' - Little Women soundtrack

This is my go-to cry movie. Who knew watching Claire Danes die would make me lose it every time? Seriously, though, this music captures the moment so perfectly. It's sad, but you also know it's what Beth wants so she can stop suffering. But she also knows she's leaving behind a lot of heartache.

I love what music can do to people.

The Utz Factor, Part 3

'Clair de Lune' by Claude Debussy

I love this song. Words cannot describe how much I love this song. The first time it really stuck (though probably not the first time I heard it) was in Ocean's Eleven. It has such a longing feel to it, like someone who has been incandescently happy once and is remembering how amazing it is and knows that even if they are happy now, it can't compare to that one moment. But that's okay, because they've had that moment, and not everyone will get a moment like that. I've posted a couple versions of the song below.

The Utz Factor, Part 2

I actually heard this song for the first time on CSI. It's always had a haunting quality to it, and the lyrics make you want to cry, but it has that driving beat that tells you to keep going.

So, without further ado, 'Running Up That Hill' by Placebo.