Star Wars. Spoilers. Obviously.

I saw the new Star Wars today.

(If you liked it, you may not want to continue reading.)

So back when they announced it, I thought it was a bad idea.

Good for the studio, of course, because they would make a ton of money even if it was terrible.

But bad for everyone who loves Star Wars because there was no way it could live up to the astronomical expectations.

Then the teaser came out. I still thought it was a bad idea. It didn't feel like Star Wars to me.

How is Star Wars supposed to feel?

I can't quantify it. Not fair or helpful, I know. But I was worried then that the people who made the movie would be too blinded by what had gone before to create something new but still wonderful.

Then the full trailer came out. I started to feel hopeful. It reminded me of what I loved about the movies.

Either way, there really wasn't any chance of me NOT seeing this movie. Which I resented because I knew Disney was banking on that and would be tempted to be lazy about actually making a good story.

Anyway. I saw it this morning.

I was really hoping I'd like it.

And there were parts I did like. Rey was cool. Finn was funny, if a little whiny on the order of Luke in A New Hope. BB-8 is adorable. Poe is pretty much The Most Interesting Man in the Universe.

But I didn't like enough of it. They spent an inordinate amount of time on Jakku. I almost laughed out loud the first time Kylo Ren spoke. (And then he took off his helmet and I did laugh. Can you say 'horribly miscast?') I looked at my watch after the first hour trying to figure out why it was taking so long. The Starkiller thing really didn't make sense to me. The plot didn't make sense to me. The ending (and the death) was extremely predictable. There were these long, lingering pauses on characters' faces that were supposed to be significant, but just looked like everyone had gas.

And then I realized that J.J. Abrams had done to Star Wars exactly what he did to Star Trek. It was exactly like the original, but different.

Here's the plot of A New Hope: Rebel leader hides plans in droid to doomsday device. Droid hooks up with desert dweller who is secret Jedi. They escape the planet with the help of a lovable rogue. At some point, a girl is rescued. Secret plans get to the Rebellion. The lovable rogue decides to leave, but ends up fighting for the good guys. The doomsday device has a fatal flaw that can be exploited by a guy in an x-wing. The beloved mentor dies in order to inspire his mentee. The doomsday device explodes inexplicably loudly for being in space.

Here's the plot of The Force Awakens: See above. Same, but different.

I've seen this movie before. I liked it before. I didn't need to see it again.

I understand Hollywood's love of sequels. It's easy to make money on something people are already familiar with.

But I expect a movie to be self-contained. It still has to have a plot that makes sense, and while it can reference what has gone before, I shouldn't need to know all of that to enjoy the movie. There was both too little and too much at the same time. Too little of the good stuff. Too much of the wrong things.

The nostalgia in this one felt cheap. Instead of smiling when the Millennium Falcon appeared, I just thought, "Really? Of all the planets, it happened to be here? That's an awfully big coincidence you're selling."

Same with Han and Leia. And Luke. They are old. And except for Han, they haven't aged well. It took me right out of the movie magic. And seriously, is there no one else in the universe to follow? The inbreeding is a little ridiculous.

Anyway, it felt like JarJar Abrams was saying, "See, I gave you Han Solo and Chewbacca. Now you have to love the new people I created."

The new people who are exactly like the old people. Kylo Ren is Darth Vader lite. Snoke (really?) is an unfathomable version of the Emperor. Hex or whatever is a poor imitation of Tarkin. And what was the purpose of Phasma? She couldn't even pull off Boba Fett levels of cool.

And don't get me started on the barely veiled reference to Hitler.

I really think Harrison Ford is glad he got killed off. He can see where this franchise is headed, and he is jumping ship while his death can still mean something.

Is it time for Captain America: Civil War yet?

(I'm sorry. I didn't hate it. Really I didn't. I just didn't like it.)

Back when I first started funding, I was actually really excited about it. I had enthusiasm, I had drive. I knew academically that it would be hard, but I knew that God was calling me to missions, so it would happen.

At the first church where I spoke, I met with great response. People were interested in what I was doing, and one person in particular offered to head up a prayer team. I had a team of people who promised to pray for me and encourage me and keep me accountable. I counted on that individual to keep things going.

It lasted about two weeks.

Problem is, it took me a couple of months to figure out that things weren't moving. And by that time, there was a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

So my own excitement was cut to the quick.

I need to reignite that passion. I think I'm getting there. But I need your help. 

Five Years. Really?

(The following is a speech I will give, am giving, gave - depending on when you read this - at my five-year recognition chapel at OMS. If you'd rather hear it, I'm sure I'll post a link to it somewhere. There's a ton more I could talk about after five years, and I probably will in the blog soon. For now, enjoy.)

All right. Here we go.

I've been struggling with what to say on this, the fifth plus a bit anniversary of my time at OMS, ever since Kathy told me about it back in August. 

Okay, if you know me, you know that's not entirely accurate. I've been freaking out about it ever since I learned we do this kind of thing at OMS.

So, about five years. 

I've asked quite a few people what I should talk about today. Some were helpful. Some were not. I credit Foster Pilcher with the idea of writing a blog post and just reading that. So I did. Incidentally, if you'd like to read along, this posted about ten minutes ago. becausehislovecompelsus.blogspot.com

Five years ago, I started working here. But the journey really started about seven and a half years ago when I traveled to Sierra Leone, West Africa. On that trip, as I looked out over the city of Freetown, I felt that God was telling me that my future would involve missions of some kind. Six months later, I was interviewing with OMS.

I'll be honest. It took me a while to figure this place out. Y'all are holiness people, and as a rule, you're a little more touchy-feely than I'm used to. I also come from a denomination that historically has had a fairly narrow definition of the word 'missionary.' There are some people who do not consider what we do in HQ to be missionary work. That's something I've had to overcome both personally and professionally. 

So, two years. That's what I promised God. I'll do this mission thing for two years, and then I'll move on to The Plan. If you're not following along, The Plan is capitalized. I like Plans. I like routine, I like knowing what the next thing is. My Birkman is quite clear on this. 

So imagine my surprise when I reached the end of that two years and thought, "You know, I think I could do another year." You're smiling, but this was by no means a sure thing. 

Before we get to that, though, there are two things I need to highlight about those two years, and they actually happened within months of each other. First, I traveled to Thailand and South Asia in April 2011. Mike Dragon said last week that the first thing they do when you visit South Asia is break your heart. And he's right. I honestly didn't know how to deal with that trip. So I did the worst thing possible and shut down. I still have trouble talking about it. 

Then, in June of 2011, still not quite recovered, I went to Poland. And yes, I went for ministry purposes, but I want to talk about the day I spent in Auschwitz and Birkenau. 

I'm a history major. No matter what else I do in this life, I will always identify as a historian. And I had a lot of head knowledge about the Holocaust before this trip. I knew the numbers, I had seen the photos, I heard eyewitness accounts. 

But now I was walking where it happened. I saw the barracks designed for horses that instead housed hundreds of people. I saw desperate words scrawled on the walls of death chambers. I saw rooms of suitcases, shoes, and human hair stolen from millions of people. 

Needless to say, it was pretty impactful.

I came away from those trips with three things made abundantly clear. 

1. Satan is very real. 

2. It is a lot easier to serve evil than it is to do good.

3. We have hope. 

That last one may seem a little incongruous with the others. And it may seem hard to come away from a place like Auschwitz feeling hopeful. Even South Asia might seem like a stretch.

But for as difficult as a place like South Asia is, the Gospel is advancing. One of the things I vividly recall is standing on the shore watching dozens of people be baptized. It's a pretty incredible sight, made all the more remarkable when you know that persecution is not just a buzzword for these people. It's a reality. When I got off the plane in the capital, there was a notable oppression of spirit. I could almost feel the enemy working. But that just means he's scared. Satan doesn't have to work hard when he knows he's in control of a place.

Which brings us to Auschwitz. People talk about that place as though they can almost hear the cries of victims. And it is admittedly creepy to walk through the gas chambers. But mostly, I felt empty. I felt like I was seeing the pinnacle of evil. Like Satan had gotten things started and then let humanity take over, and this is what they achieved.

But I was talking about hope. And as we know from history, the Allies won. People realized what they were capable of. And for a little while, people pursued righteousness. Auschwitz now stands as a memorial and as a symbol of things that should never happen again.

Okay, so I sometimes go off on these rants on my blog. I apologize.

Let's go back to that third year. I finally felt like I was fitting in, or at least my brand of crazy was appreciated. So naturally, things started going wrong. I was in a pretty severe depression for several months. And I need to address this because we don't talk about depression much in Christian circles. I understand that. I don't really want to talk about it myself. But I talked to a counselor at my church about it, and she very nicely handed me a pamphlet that said my depression was a sign that I probably had a secret sin or that I wasn't close enough to Jesus. I'm here to tell you that the only reason I made it through is because I was desperately clinging to Jesus. He gave me hope that I would get out of the valley. And I eventually did.

I was pretty sure I'd be leaving OMS after three years, which was extremely disappointing. I felt like I was becoming the best version of myself here, and I didn't know how that would translate in the wider world. My Plan had changed, and I didn't like that.

But then I was offered a beacon of hope. A chance to stay for one more year. I'm not going to lie. It was a hard year. I was frustrated. I felt like I was losing whatever perspective I'd gained. So when the year was up, I was finally ready to leave. I had begged God for two more years. And now I was begging to move on.

It really looked like it was going to happen, too. My contract was up, I'd applied elsewhere, and yet every time I went to pack up my things, I'd hit a wall. It felt wrong.

And then ECC came calling. And I knew God was telling me to stay. I would officially be at OMS for a full five years. It's been a long road. I don't know how you guys focus on just one thing that happened. Five years is a long time.

But if I had to narrow it down to one lesson, that lesson would be hope. I'm a pretty cynical person. I will pretty much always see the worst-case scenario. But I have also become a hopeful person. And the source of my hope is and always will be Jesus Christ. I have been redeemed, and that gives me hope for the rest of the world. If even one third of the people we reach with our one billion opportunity gives their life to Jesus, can you imagine what that would do to the world?

I don't know where I will be five years from now. I'd love to be back up here, sharing my special brand of eccentricity and failing to concentrate on just one thing about the next five years. But wherever I am, I hope that I'm bringing hope to others. That's my new Plan.

Before I leave, I want to publicly thank a few people for getting me through the last five years. To my parents, for your unwavering support and for letting me cry on your shoulders, thank you. To my sisters, who gave me their own special brand of encouragement, thanks, I guess. To Lori McFall, for being a second mom, a sister, and a best friend rolled into one, thank you. To Sam Downey, for being a port in a stormy sea, thank you. To all of you, for sharing in my journey, thank you. And to God, for giving me exactly what I need when I need it, whether I like it or not, thank you. 

The Late Now

I haven't posted much lately. (I know, I know. Way to state the obvious, Jessica.)

I'd like to say I have really great reasons for not writing anything.

I could say that I've been traveling. Which is true. I went to Pennsylvania last weekend for a missions conference at a little church outside of Gettysburg. I love this church. Our two contact people are the sweetest old ladies. And they love to take care of us. And when I'm there, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll get to visit the battlefield. For the twenty-sixth time. (I haven't counted, actually. But it's a lot.)

I could say that I've been busy. Which is sort of true. I'm in training to learn more of the production process of T&M. I've been working on the Christmas video. When I'm not at work, I'm usually walking or watching TV.

I could say that I have nothing to write about. This is both true and not true. There are things I could write about. But they have little to do with mission stuff. And that's why I created this blog. To talk about my ministry and life in missions.

Here's what my life in missions looks like: I sit at a computer for eight hours a day. I do roughly the same things every day. It's very technical and complicated. Occasionally, I hear a great message in chapel. And I usually write something based on those. But I am by no means on the front lines. There are things I'd like to do. But those things cost money. And funding has been extremely difficult lately.

So why haven't I written anything? The truth is simple.

I feel uninspired. I feel redundant. I feel like everything I might want to say has been said by other people in much better ways. I feel like some things I want to say would get me into trouble. I'm tired and lacking in purpose. And I really don't think anyone is reading this. Except for you, Lori. Which I appreciate.

Shockingly enough, I'm not depressed.

I'm just living life. And the day to day is just not that interesting.

I have some pending drafts that I'll start rolling out shortly. And then I don't know.

I need some ideas. I need inspiration. I need...

Something.

A Random Tuesday

How do my days usually progress? I'll tell you. Or at least, I'll tell you about today.

My alarm went off at 6:40. I'd been having this weird dream about a hotel by a river and trying to find someone who owed me $4.

I hit snooze. There's no excuse for being up at 6:40.

Nine minutes later, I figure I'm obligated to get up. First thing I do is check my phone for the overnight happenings. A few news alerts and a text from Arika, asking way too deep a philosophical question for 6:49 in the morning. But I answer, and it makes sense to my brain, so good enough.

I don't wash my hair on Tuesdays. It gives me a little extra time for morning ablutions, and also morning devotions. Sarah Young makes her usual frightening amount of sense. I hang out at the kitchen table and ponder life's mysteries.

It's 7:50. Getting dressed might be important. I have to wear blue today. Normally, a few of us in ECC will try to match. I get a text every morning. But my matchy buddies are in South Africa this week. I still have to wear blue. We're filming today.

I get to work about 8:03. First thing is to fire up the computer. While it's coming up, I check the ECC box in the mailroom. Nothing. Then a pen and new post-its from central supply.

I check my email. Two Gmail accounts and the main Office 365. Naturally, 365 isn't working. Shocking. Reload. Nothing has come into the T&M account, and it's mostly junk everywhere else. I check Facebook. I'm friends with T&M partners and people who are traveling. Things are going well. I schedule a post on the T&M page.

It's 8:55. Time for chapel. There's usually coffee and hot chocolate for people to get before or after. I don't usually like hot drinks, but as the weather cools, you can see me with a hot chocolate.

Today's chapel speaker is Graham Houghton. Graham has been in India for 50 years, and he always has great stories. And a very unique way of telling them. He retired once. It didn't take. He's 78 and ministering in North India. There are encouraging things happening, but there is also a great deal of darkness.

Chapel normally lasts until 9:30 or 9:40. Graham finishes at 9:55. We still have announcements and introductions. We pray for a missionary leaving for Hungary tomorrow.

10:05. Back in the office. I do a bit of cleaning up and then start working on my article for Outreach magazine. It's about the history of prayer at OMS.

10:45. Time to do a bit of walking. Since we started the wellness program, I've been endeavoring to get at least 10,000 steps every day. It's also not good to sit for too long. I have a route through the building, starting by going through Communications. Lori and Susan are talking about the magazine. I chat with Beth for a minute. Then upstairs. There are a lot of people out. But there are muffins at the front desk. Score.

Back downstairs. 11:00. More research for the article. I've copied articles and notices from old Missionary Standard archives. I'm only up to 1946. Sometimes I forget OMS has been around more than 100 years. Not today.

11:40. I check my phone and see that I have a voicemail. There is pretty much no service in the basement, so I never hear my phone ring. I just randomly have messages. It's Arby's. I did a survey this weekend, and they have follow-up questions. But when I call back, there's no answer.

12:10. Time for lunch. But first - oh look, Arby's called again. Free food! I've never been so happy to have undercooked chicken. (Okay, I wasn't that happy. But Arby's is cool for following up.)

12:18. NOW I can go to lunch.

We have an hour for lunch. I used 20 minutes of it to walk. That gets me to about 5,500 steps on the day. I'm ahead of schedule.

The fare today is chicken salad. It's cheap and easy to make, which pretty much describes most of what I eat. I'm spending any extra money I have on fruits and veggies. They're healthy, you know.

1:20. Back at work. Foster has been in, judging by the ladder in the middle of my office. We'll use it in a few minutes when we start filming.

We're doing a top secret project for the OMS Christmas party. It's been a lot of fun (and a lot of work), but the secrecy has probably been the most fun. People keep asking what we're doing. We maintain the cone of silence.

It took about eight takes for me to be happy with today's segment. By the time we finished, it was time to welcome the myriad of superheroes, knights, and various and sundry costumed (or not) children so they could extort candy from the hardworking folks of OMS.

I'm kidding, it was adorable. We do this every year. OMS kids come around to the marked offices and receive candy or treats or whatever. It's a safe way to trick or treat, and though it's a bit early, it is a nice thing we do.

It does kinda disrupt the workflow, though.

I spent some time looking up a word for the #WeirdWordoftheWeek segment I do on Facebook. It's a silly little thing, but it's fun for me. This week's word is carminative.

Onward and upward. With infrequent visitors, I continued working, this time on the ECC blog posts for the OMS website.

Around 4:10, I take another gallivant around the office. I get sidetracked in Communications (which happens frequently) to talk about ramen and the filming for tomorrow (separate issues). Then I continue, stopping to compare everyone's offerings. Lots of good stuff this year. Oh, to be a kid again.

Back to the office and work at 4:35.

5:10. Time to go home.

Immediately, I get ready for my long walk. This has become a staple of my day. It finishes up the rest of my 10,000 steps and gets the kinks out. Usually lasting anywhere from 30-50 minutes, today's is about 35, putting me well over my goal.

Dinner is frozen pizza and grapes. Highly nutritious. I watch an episode of Air Crash Investigation while I'm waiting. It's the one with the pilot who gets sucked outside of the airplane and is only held inside by flight stewards. It's a really fascinating series, and there are a ton of episodes on YouTube. I wouldn't recommend watching too many in a row or right before a trip. Very interesting stuff, though. And the pilot lived!

The show turns out to be a little too interesting. I watch at least six more episodes while playing mahjong.

And now it's 10:45. I've been dinking around on Facebook for 30 minutes. Not a very productive evening. But it was a relaxing evening. Just what I needed.

And that's a random Tuesday. 

Everything, in a Random and Roundabout Manner, Leads to Death

I talk to myself. A lot.

Shocking, I know.

Sometimes, I'm writing a book in my head, and I need to say it out loud to see if the dialogue is stupid. It usually is.

More often than not, I'm creating scenarios and figuring out how I would respond in a given situation.

Because I have traveled overseas, and because I am a Christian, a lot of those scenarios deal with being kidnapped or martyred or tortured.

Do I overthink things? Yes. Yes, I do.

Here's the thing, though. It's easy to plan for the big moments. (It's less easy to execute said plans. But I have a plan for that!) It is not so easy to plan for the small moments.

Think about it. You're in front of the Roman emperor or his proxy, and you're told to deny your faith or die. That's a big moment. It's obvious. You can plan for that moment.

But maybe you're with a friend. And the friend tells an off-color joke. No substance to it whatsoever. No redeeming quality to the vulgarity. But it's kinda funny. Can you plan for those moments?

When I was much younger, I thought a lot about martyrdom. (I had just read Foxe's Book of Martyrs. Can you really blame me?) And because I did not yet fully understand the difference between saved by grace and saved by works, I considered martyrdom to be the only surefire way to prove that I was a good Christian. I mean, dying for Jesus? That's gold.

My thinking has evolved since then, thankfully. But the idea of martyrdom has stuck with me, especially since becoming a missionary. Then this morning, OMS President Bob Fetherlin gave this message. (Go ahead. Listen to it. I'll wait.)

And everything clicked.

The Christian life may indeed end in the type of martyrdom we all know and love. But even before that point, life is a series of martyrdoms. It has to be.

That's ultimately how you can plan for the small moments. If you are continuously dying to self, denying your need to be right, relinquishing your pride, all in the pursuit of being more like Jesus, you will be a martyr - maybe not in the way it is now understood, but definitely at its heart as a witness for Jesus Christ.

See, the word martyr comes from the Greek martur. It means witness.

We should all be martyrs. We should all be witnesses of Jesus.

And whatever death that martyrdom ultimately leads to - death to self or death by opponents of Christ - it will always lead us straight to the arms of Jesus.

And that is always a good thing. 

The Humorous Chesterton

"I believe firmly in the value of all vulgar notions, especially vulgar jokes. When once you have got hold of a vulgar joke, you may be certain that you have got hold of a subtle and spiritual idea. The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something sully and emphatic. They saw something delicate which they could only express by something indelicate." - G.K. Chesterton

I have always liked this quote. I'm not sure I could tell you all the reasons why. It's very twisty.

But G.K. and I had something in common. We both overanalyze everything.

G wrote this in his short story "Cockneys and their Jokes." He's responding the charge of not being a Cockney humorist. What is a humorist? Honestly, I'm not sure G explained it, though he took great pains to explain that, while he agreed he probably wasn't a humorist, he was most definitely Cockney, jerkface. Anyway, a humorist is someone who is skillful in the use of humor, whether it be written, spoken, or acted.

See, Chesterton knew that most people really don't understand humor. What makes one person laugh may not even crack a smile on someone else. Apparently a friend of Chesterton named Mr. Beerbohm put the things that made people laugh into three categories: "jokes about bodily humiliation, jokes about things alien, such as foreigners, and jokes about bad cheese." 

That, in itself, is hilarious. 

But G wanted to delve deeper into why we laugh at certain things. We don't laugh at someone's true misfortune. But we do laugh when a bird suddenly doodoos on someone's head. We don't laugh at leaves falling. That's what they do. But leaves falling and sticking to someone's forehead is funny. Or at least amusing. 

So what exactly is G saying above? It's not enough to be haha funny. You also have to be a little bit vulgar. 

So what does he mean by vulgar? Not obscene, as the word is used today. To be vulgar means to be unrefined or common. If you aren't willing to get your feet a little dirty, you'll never understand true humor. 

A good joke, G.K. would say, is one that deals with the Dual Nature of Man. As he says, it "refer[s] to the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy." We laugh at something because it works against the reality of how things are supposed to work. 

It goes deeper than that, though. Sometimes, we can't explain something higher without using more common language. In fact, in order to explain some things, we need to first (or at some point) explain their opposite. It's impossible to fully understand light without having some notion of dark. We understand hate because it is an absence of love. 

I don't know why I keep trying to explain this. G-diddy said it best:

"As a matter of fact, it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The vulgar joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact. For instance, it is not in the least true that mothers-in-law are as a class oppressive and intolerable; most of them are both devoted and useful. All the mothers-in-law I have ever had were admirable. Yet the legend of the comic papers is profoundly true. It draws attention to the fact that it is much harder to be a nice mother-in-law than to be nice in any other conceivable relation of life. The caricatures have drawn the worst mother-in-law a monster, by way of expressing the fact that the best mother-in-law is a problem."

I've said it before. I'll keep saying it. 

I will take truth from whomever and wherever I find it. 

There are some amazing messages to be found in R-rated films. I can find Truth in an Eminem song. 

And those may be exceptions to the rule. I'm not going to tell you to consume all of the truly awful stuff just for one nugget of Truth. Some stuff out there is truly not worth the film or paper on which it is printed. 

But do recognize that not all vulgarity is necessarily bad. Sometimes it can be necessary to be a little vulgar in order to find a pearl. 

But I don't know. What do you think?

(There will be a follow-up post about this as soon as I get around to writing it.)

Expecting the Unexpected

When we send missionaries around the world, there are certain things we expect to happen.

We expect them to share the Gospel. We expect them to teach English or give out tracts or teach school. We expect them to plant churches and raise their families and have good relationships with other mission agencies. Occasionally, we expect them to deal with resistance from the government or neighbors or fringe groups.

We do not expect them to suddenly be in the middle of a war.

We do not expect them to suddenly have thousands of refugees on their doorstep.

We do not expect them to suddenly evacuate because of a giant tsunami.

These are all things that could happen anywhere. And in the back of our minds, we sort of understand that. And we maybe have 12% of a plan if something did happen. (Unless it's zombies. Our plan then is to find the nearest teenager and follow their very detailed plan.)

But it's different when you're not home. At home, you have a support system, you have friends and family, you understand the context and the history and the culture.

As a field missionary, you very deliberately do not have these things.

So it might be understandable that, when faced with things we don't expect, we may hesitate or panic because there is no plan.

Except, consistently, missionaries don't do that.

For the last year and more, our missionaries in Ukraine have been in a war zone. They have concerns, but even when it looked like we might need to bring them home, they asked to stay. Because people still need Jesus.

Monday, we Skyped a missionary who was literally in the field at a refugee camp in Hungary. They had very few resources to deal with thousands of refugees. They will see these people for maybe ten minutes or an hour. They do not speak their language. But they are giving them everything they have. Because these people need Jesus.

Back in 2011, a tsunami swept across the coast of Japan. Most of our missionaries were on a retreat in the mountains. But almost immediately, they started taking supplies to those who were left. Years later, when a lot of organizations have pulled out, our missionaries are still serving. Because people still need Jesus.

Nowhere in any of these missionaries' job descriptions does it say anything about war, refugees, or floods. But they never hesitate. If they panic, they hide it pretty well. They just do what Christians anywhere should do.

They be the hands and feet of Jesus.

How awesome is that?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be hard. It's hard every year.

For the most part, I'll be avoiding social media, the news, anything that might acknowledge the significance of the day.

It's not that I don't want to be reminded. Although it still feels like a punch in the chest when I am.

It's that I don't want to be desensitized. I don't want the day to become less than what it is.

So if I'm quieter than normal, you'll know why. I'm thinking about a day that changed everything. I'm thinking about people who started the day expecting normal, and ended the day before the sun ever set, some having no idea what had happened, and some who knew without a doubt that they would never see their children, parents, siblings, spouse, loved ones again. I'm thinking about the people who did what they've always done - answered the call, served and protected, gave their all.

And I'm holding my breath. Because anniversaries tend to spawn all kinds of things. 

Still a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

All right, so yesterday was self-indulgent and stupid. I let things get the better of me. It'll happen again, but I'll try not to be so melodramatic about it.

Let's talk about something important.

The world has gone mad.

In the States, we're two steps away from electing a bombast (fill in the blank with your least favorite candidate). Cops and civilians alike are getting killed for no other reason than that they are cops and civilians. 30,000 people are battling wildfires that have killed dozens more. And the trending topic is a feud between Nickel Menace and Wiley Coyote. Or something like that.

In Europe, four million people have fled Syria because the Islamic State doesn't care who it kills as long as there's some kind of murder with breakfast. Millions more have fled other countries for similar reasons. These refugees are drowning or being packed into railway stations or beaten at borders because most of Europe really doesn't want them. And the trending topic is a misting shower designed to keep people cool.

In Asia, at least two countries have passed strict anti-conversion laws. Bombs are going off in major cities. North Korea is puffing its feathers again, and China has decided they want a bigger slice of the pie. Their trending topic is flipping Mel Gibson.

And Latin America? Well, the Guatemalan president has resigned. Ecuador is rounding up religious leaders and putting them in prison. Increased hurricane activity is taxing resources more than ever. Increased violence just about everywhere. And the top video on the BBC Latin America page is about making tacos al pastor in Mexico City.

I could go on. And yes, obviously some people are paying attention and trying to do something.

But even more are burying their heads in the sand.

Every time I watch the news, I think, Surely, this will be it. People can't possibly ignore this. This will be what finally makes them wake up.

Unfortunately, the thing that ends up waking these people up? Will probably be the thing that kills them two seconds later.

Sorry. This was supposed to be more uplifting. So here we go.

THERE IS HOPE!

This is what a world looks like without Jesus. Now imagine a world that knows and loves and follows Jesus.

You know what to do. 

Sometimes...

I'm going to tell you a secret. 

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I don't feel very missionary-y. Sometimes I don't even feel very Christian. 

Sometimes, I'm really annoyed with people. Sometimes, I want to slap people across the face and ask them how they can be so dense. Sometimes, I don't want to give people a chance to hear about Jesus because they have been so utterly stupid and hurtful and deliberately in contradiction with Truth. 

Sometimes, the people I'm annoyed with are fellow Christians. Sometimes they seem so completely disconnected from reality. Sometimes I wonder how we could possibly be serving the same God. 

Sometimes, I'm annoyed with myself. Sometimes I get so annoyed that, for every step forward, I sometimes take two steps backward in my faith. Sometimes I feel so angry with myself because I know how sad I'm making God.

Today is all those times.

Whaddaya know? I'm human.

(I'm reminded of Galatians 6:9. I'm not giving up! I'm just hanging on by fingertips.)

Winning and Losing

You know those giveaways that we sometimes enter, knowing deep down that we will probably not win, but honestly hoping that this time this time it will be your name they call?

Yeah, I'm falling prey to about six of those right now.

It's really annoying.

There's a scene in Chariots of Fire between Harold Abrahams and Sybil Gordon. She's comforting/chastising him after he loses a race and freaks out. Harold says, "If I can't win, I won't run." And Sybil immediately responds with "If you don't run, you can't win."

I loved that scene. Still do, really. And to a certain extent, it's true.

But it also sets a dangerous precedent.

This is how people get caught up in gambling. They know the odds (and they are astronomical), but as long as there is the slimmest chance of winning, they believe it could happen.

Now, I'm not saying that entering a drawing or signing up for a giveaway is akin to gambling (though I'm still not sold on raffles).

But they still put you on the path of depending on luck instead of buckling down and working to improve your own lot.

And they are hard to resist.

For example, Dave Ramsey sent me an email recently with the subject line of "Not opening this email could cost you $5,000."

How do you not open that email and give them your name?

Look, I would love to win one of these. I'm in desperate need of extra funds.

But if I do win, what does that do to me? Do I start relying on luck to get me out of a jam instead of learning from and paying for past mistakes?

I don't know.

And if I continue not winning, what does that do to me? Is there such a thing as too much false hope? Does the constant cycle of rising hope and crushed dreams have a horrible psychological effect?

I don't know.

But I do know that I can't live like something or someone is going to bail me out. (Not even the government.) Sure, extra money would be welcome. But I shouldn't be sunk if I don't get it.

I would still really, really like to win one of these giveaways, though. 

Spiritual warfare isn't always an obvious attack.

And it's not always an ambush.

Sometimes, it's an insidious, subtle worm of fear and doubt that creeps in to steal your joy and peace and contentment.

Sometimes, it's a heavy mist that obscures all bright visions of the future.

Sometimes, it's an oppression of the spirit, a weight on your chest.

A mouth sewn shut.

Blahgust

Is there such a thing as the August blahs?

(That was a clever title, wasn't it?)

Your only accepted response here is to say yes.

Obviously the August blahs exist because I have them.

July was exciting. July was high risk. July was high reward. July was busy.

But August. August is desperation. The need to get in that last hurrah. August is the other side of the hump, and instead of seeing Friday, you're seeing Winter.

And you're not ready.

I'm feeling that disconnect again. It comes and goes. It's when it sticks around that it's a problem.

Normally, I'd have something to distract me. But August is just...

Blahgust.

Anger

I watched a video yesterday of Jimmy Kimmel crying over a lion. I read articles about how universally loved this lion was. I listened to rants from radio personalities about how annoying Americans are.

And then I watched a leaked video in which people who worked for Planned Parenthood discussed the dissection of children and the subsequent sale of their body parts.

Why do we care more about a dead lion than a dead human being?

At what point do people realize the horror of 50 million murdered children?

How do you justify such an act? How do you perform such an act?

I have half a mind to take up hunting and start shooting every single endangered species until there's nothing left.

Of course, I won't. Do you know why? Because I value life. All life.

This is not one of those cases where we can sigh and shake our heads and wonder why we're surprised that non-believers are sinning.

Children are being murdered. We should be shocked and horrified by that, whether we are believers or not.

So am I sad that the lion is dead? Sure.

But that lion could never have discovered the cure for cancer. Found a way to get to Mars. Raised a family. Taught Math at an underprivileged school. Become a professional athlete. Saved someone from a fire.

Or the fifty million other things those children could have done if they hadn't been murdered and sold as spare parts. 

Ant-Man Review

Thing 1: SPOILERS!! Duh

Thing 2: I was supremely ambivalent about this movie when I heard they were making it. I believe my exact words were "Seriously? They're making a movie about Ant-Man? Before Hawkeye or Black Widow get theirs?" I was not pleased. But it's part of the Marvel universe. I have to watch it. But I wasn't expecting much.

So. Here goes.

I actually really liked this movie.

Two reasons. First, the humor. Second, the plot.

The humor is what saved this movie. I think Marvel knew that no one was going to take this movie seriously. So they couldn't either. I won't say it was especially sophisticated humor, but it wasn't low-brow either. There were some legitimately funny moments, and more than just what the trailer showed. And especially some that were completely unexpected. I've seen enough movies that I can usually predict certain beats, especially the end. And yeah, I predicted much of the ending. But there were also moments that went against type.

More importantly, though, this is not an origin story. There isn't a long explanation of how Ant-Man came to be. He just is. And while there's a bit of the redemption, zero to hero stuff, it's not heavy handed. Ultimately, this is a heist movie. This is what I've been wanting replicated from the comics. A mostly regular guy just living his life, and occasionally being a hero. This is what happens when you stop something before it gets to the planet-saving stage.

There really weren't many superfluous characters. A few got lost in the shuffle. I recently saw Jurassic World, and the resemblance between Bryce Dallas Howard and Evangeline Lilly was unsettling. Fortunately there was some difference in personality. They didn't waste time on non-plot points, but it didn't feel systematic, either. Not much "We have to do A so we can get to B." It was very organic.

Moments I loved:

• Breaking into Hank Pym's house. 
• The initial Ant-Man test run. 
• Breaking into Avengers HQ.
• Falcon.
• The heist itself. 
• The train battle.

Annoying factor: the ants! Having spent the better part of early and late summer for the past five years killing the numerous carpenter ants that make their way into my apartment, I have no desire to feel sorry for the little buggers. But darn it if this movie didn't make me feel sad about a freaking ant!

Anyway. Was it my favorite Marvel universe stand-alone movie? Probably not. But I did enjoy it as a one off. 

And that's where its greatest strength becomes its greatest weakness. This character is not made for sequels. Bit parts in other films to solve specific problems and then disappear? Sure. But honestly, Hank Pym is more useful for his brain than Scott Lang is for his suit. Now, having The Wasp around makes it a little more interesting. But this was always the comics' greatest struggle. What needs can these characters meet that aren't already accounted for?

As far as I know, there aren't any specific plans for a sequel, though they set it up in the mid-credits scene. I just don't know if they can come up with a compelling storyline that maintains the needed separation from all the other superhero movies. 

So let's turn our attention to the post-credits scene. 

I squealed. Audibly. I really don't want to spoil it. You can probably find it online somewhere already. But I think I'm going to be more excited for Civil War than I was for Age of Ultron. I just have to wait until 2016 for it. 

Next question: Is Fantastic Four going to fit into the established Marvel 'verse? If so, how? Look, I like getting the whole band together. But spending even two minutes with each one makes for a very long montage of establishing shots. No wonder Infinity War needs two movies! The first one will probably have to be devoted to introducing everyone to each other. 

And what happens when Marvel's planned run is ended? Will we be super-heroed out? Or does Howard the Duck get his turn? Will that still be before Hawkeye and Black Widow?

... what?

Do you ever start a blog post, leave it for a few weeks, open your draft file, and not have any clue what you intended to write or where it was supposed to go?

Yeah, that's this post. Here's what I had written:


On Monday in our prayer meeting, we read through 2 Timothy 1:7-12.

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.

We were focusing on verse 7, but my attention was drawn to 


And that's it. That's where I stopped. I probably got distracted by something. I remember the intent, sort of. I was going to relate this passage to WALL-E. Somehow.

I had just seen the movie, and something about these verses reminded me of the scene where the two pudgy humans got their vid screens knocked out and had to start actually interacting with the world around them. For the life of me, though, I can't figure out where I was going with that analogy or how it even popped into my head.

Anyway, that movie has some very compelling points to it. It also raises some horrifying questions. For example, were those babies cloned? Because clearly the adults were not cognizant enough of the world around them to be boinking. There is a whole line of questioning here that just really should not be explored. And yet I can't help it.

See, it's not always going to be gold. Sometimes you just have to shove the crap at the universe in order to make room for the good stuff. 

Rapids '15

Last week I attended the National Conference of the United Brethren in Christ denomination. It was an opportunity to connect with supporters, speak with pastors, and spend time with my parents.

There was a lot of worry going into it. Our Bishop resigned quite suddenly, so there was some question of what would happen. There were also a couple of resolutions that would directly affect the future of the denomination. I don't normally attend the business session, and to be honest, I didn't attend much of it this time, either. Part of that is because non-voting people were kicked out for an executive session to discuss the Bishop issue. But I have connections, so I knew what was going on anyway.

I was a little disappointed with the communication side of things. I didn't have a booth, so it was a little harder to make connections with people. I didn't set up as many meetings as I would have liked. I don't think I gained any new supporters. And I didn't really communicate the goals of Train & Multiply to anyone except the wife of another mission leader.

Let's face it. I'm not naturally gifted in the area of fund raising. I prefer to have a relationship with someone before I ask them for money, and that takes time and common ground. Time is always an issue because there is so much stuff going on. I think it's harder for stateside people because we're still expected to get our jobs done. Field missionaries take a year specifically for funding. Granted, stateside people have weekends to work on it.

Common ground is also hard for me. Sure, we all love Jesus. But there are a lot of areas in which to love Jesus. People are passionate about different things. I'm passionate about grammar. And history. And science fiction. And being alone. These are not always conducive to conversation.




I guess there isn't much of a point to this post after all. Just an update. 

Sanctuary

Some things have been happening here. Personal things, but the kind that affect work things. Things I can't really talk about. I'm okay physically, but my emotional and spiritual states have taken a beating. I was able to go home last weekend, and I'm going to Conference next week, and I think time away helps. But it also feels a little bit like running away. 

I like labels. This may seem like an odd segue, but it applies. If something has a label, it has an identity. I can define it and begin to understand it. 

I can't label this thing. Sure, there are labels that seem to apply, but only superficially and only for a time. I don't understand this thing. I don't want to be one of those people who ignores a thing because they don't understand it. That's ignorant. But at the same time, the emotional effort it would take to understand this thing makes me want to run even faster in the other direction. 

I usually find a lot of comfort in the Psalms. The writers are human, and they are totally on board with expressing their very human emotions, sometimes in extremely passionate ways. And they are pretty great at describing God, even in their limited ways. 

My comfort these last few weeks has come from Psalm 18:30. 

"As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."

God understands the thing. He's known it was coming for always. He knows how it will turn out. And he's providing sanctuary for those who desperately need it. 

They're Running Out of Time

A few weeks ago, someone referenced a quote by Penn Jillette, a well-known atheist. I've said it before, I'll accept Truth from whoever says it. It has stuck with me, and it has added to the theme that seems to be developing in my life right now. I hunted down the exact quote because I think he captures the real urgency that believers should be feeling. 

“I’ve always said that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there’s a heaven and a hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life, and you think that it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn’t proselytize and who say just leave me along and keep your religion to yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?

“I mean, if I believed, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.”

How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them the Truth? How selfish are you to keep the greatest thing man will ever experience a secret? I mean, we're talking basic stuff here, people. This is Great Commission stuff. "Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'" Jesus didn't say, 'I understand, it's hard to tell people about me. You're fine. Stay home. People will figure it out. Or not. Hell? Psshh. It's okay if a few people are left out.' 

No. Jesus told us to go, outside of our comfortable homes and lives, and talk to people. Tell them about Jesus, tell them what He has done for them. Tell them how to be like Jesus so that they can spend eternity with Him. Whatever awkwardness or fear you feel doesn't matter. Because Jesus is with you. 

We're not doing enough. I see the statistics every day, I watch the news, I hear the stories. Our world believes it doesn't need Jesus. God? He was a nice crutch for a while, but we're doing just fine without him. And Christians? We're letting people believe that. We're saying, "Fine. You believe what you want to believe. Just leave me alone in my church." We're shutting the door in their face. We're telling people that, because they aren't perfect, they don't belong with us. They have to change before we initiate them into our secret club. 

But it's not a secret! There were entire church councils addressing this issue of needing secret knowledge. There's no secret here! We should be telling everyone what we know! And if they were perfect already, what need have they of the church? (Newsflash: It's in people's nature to sin. Christians are counter-culture. I know! Crazy, isn't it?)

So this morning, I listened to Bob Fetherlin give a vision for the next ten years at OMS. Ten years. It's hard for me to imagine. I have to confess, I don't really want to be here in ten years. I'm afraid of what the world will look like then. I am desperately waiting for Christ's return. This world is extremely hard to live in. 

But I had to pause this morning, because let's really think about that. Let's realize just how selfish that actually is. If Christ were to return today, how many people would be left to eternal damnation? How many family members that we just sort of assumed would see our example and suddenly realize their need for Jesus? How many friends that we politely agree to disagree with? How many strangers who needed just a little bit of hope and we brushed them off because we were busy?

Christians are becoming turtles. We retreat into our shells when trouble comes, only peeking out to shake our heads at the evil world. We're sitting here quietly, praying for Jesus to come quickly so we don't have to deal with being uncomfortable when people challenge our faith. How selfish is that?

God, please give us more time. Give us more opportunities to share you with more people, and give us the urgency of spirit to realize we don't have forever. 

God is not willing that anyone should perish. And I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone we speak to will respond positively. It's a choice. And some people choose poorly. But if we're just not going to bother telling them at all, then why should Jesus even come back for us?

(He will, because he's awesome like that and told us he would and there are people who are doing everything they can to make sure everyone knows the Truth of Jesus Christ.)

Someone once asked me why I became a missionary when there are plenty of people in my own country who need Jesus. I have a new way to answer that now. Ian Bongers, director of OMS Australia, laid it out for us last week. Statistically speaking, one in four Americans is an evangelical Christian. (What do I mean by evangelical Christian? Someone who believes that belief in Jesus Christ is the only path to salvation, and shares that saving knowledge with others.) This is according to the Joshua Project. So, if every single person who identifies as an evangelical Christian found three people who didn't and told them about Jesus, everyone in the United States would have heard the Gospel and had an opportunity to respond. 

Three people. That's not exactly hard. Or at least it shouldn't be. 

But let's look at Japan. Statistically, one in 168 people in Japan is an evangelical Christian. That one person has to have that conversation with 167 people. 

He could use some help.

So by all means, you talk to your three people in your own backyard. But when you're done, maybe consider taking what you know to the rest of the world? 

Because how selfish would you have to be not to?

Frozen Live Blog

So. I've never seen Frozen. I know. But I'm rectifying that today. And I thought I'd share that experience with you. Here goes.

Is this movie about black people? Native Americans? Native Icelanders? I don't understand this music. I love it. But where exactly is this set?

Isn't cutting ice like that dangerous?

Adorable baby reindeer!

That escalated quickly.

I don't understand. She had really good control before.

There are TROLLS IN THIS MOVIE?!

I am once again lacking in understanding. This is the King and Queen, right? But they can just lock themselves away, disappear a daughter, and no one asks questions?

Also, fear is her enemy, but we're so afraid of her that we lock her away? That helps.

Did these siblings just not see each other for like ten years?

This will not end well.

Called it!

Who has been ruling this country for three years?

Finally! Someone who doesn't have perfect hair in the morning!

So, like, she only knows how the world works because of paintings? Thank God impressionists aren't around yet. Or Picasso.

This guy parts his hair on the left. He's evil, right?

Oops.

Okay, this guy is hilarious. I know I will hate him later, but right now? Hilarious.

12 older brothers? Yeah, I know how this works. He only wants your title and money, honey, don't do it!

You have known this guy less than a day. What is wrong with you?

This is a very modern song and dance for this era.

What is the geography of this place?

Seriously. Less than a day.

Preach it, Elsa.

Again, this will end badly.

That's right, buddy. Hide behind your boy toy, I mean bodyguard.

Uh. Don't say that. He's bad. You literally just met him!

Really? The big song is this early in the movie?

All I hear is Idina Menzel. And she is not blonde.

Seriously, what has inspired this entire turnaround? I'm so confused.

How about hunger? Does hunger bother you?

Yeah, this guy has been in the wilderness too long.

Stranger Danger! I like this guy.

Sven, you sound weird. You should get that checked out.

Aaaaand it's a talking snowman.

What. Is. This. Movie.

So he's at least taking care of the kingdom. That's good.

Just tell her why!

Eternal winter? It's been like a day. Maybe two.

Is Sven licking the stairs? That's awesome.

Would this be the abominable snowman? I feel like Sully and Mike should be appearing any moment.

Nice with the rocks.

Why are the trolls not more popular? These guys are awesome.

Wait, Hans saves the day?

Oh yeah, that makes more sense.

I'm right there with ya, Sven.

Called it! Calleditcalleditcalledit.

Bastard.

"Talk" to him, Sven.

That is a great definition of love!

YES! Sock him in the face!

That was cute. I'm not sure I get the hype. But it was cute. I'm still really confused by a lot of things. And I will be humming this song for the next few days.

(There's a post-credits scene! So cute!)

Climb Which Mountain?

It's funny.

When I was much younger and the time came around again to watch The Sound of Music (as it inevitably did like clockwork once we added that movie to our library of five movies), I would always fast-forward through "Climb Ev'ry Mountain."

You know the song. It's the one Reverend Mother sings to convince Maria to face her problems. And also to tell her that it's okay for not-yet-a-nun types to fall in love with naval-captain types after that's-what-boarding-schools-are-for types scare them away.

I'm getting off track.

Anyway, I wasn't a fan of the scene. The old nun was, well, old; the singing was, to my uncivilized ears, painful; it was dark, shadowy (now a unique and interesting cinematographic choice); it was a little boring; and I didn't understand the purpose of the lyrics.

I like the song a little better now. It's definitely something that appeals to an older crowd. We've all had a dream that we had to give up and perhaps regret not pursuing.

Climb ev'ry mountain
Search high and low
Follow ev'ry by-way
Every path you know

Climb ev'ry mountain
Ford ev'ry stream
Follow ev'ry rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/s/thesoundofmusiclyrics/climbevrymountainlyrics.html

As I think about it more and more, though, I can't make up my mind how I feel. This entire movie makes a lot of the common Hollywood suppositions that I really don't agree with: karma, all you need is love, they even take a shot at Creation.

I know, it's a movie, a musical at that, I'm not supposed to look that deeply into it. But I can't help it. So let's dive in.

The point of the lyrics is that when you want something, you have to work at it. You have to give it 100% devotion and attention. And it's not always easy to achieve your dream. You don't always know what it will be. But when you discover it, sometimes after a long time of agonizing searches, you have to honor the effort it took to find your dream by working to achieve it with everything you have.

On the surface, I agree with this. I've heard that it takes something like 10,000 hours of working at something to be considered an expert. I like to use Olympians as an example. You don't win a gold medal by practicing sometimes and thinking about it. They work hard. Have you ever looked up Michael Phelps' practice schedule? He put his body through hell so he could come away with a bajillion gold medals. So yes, you do have to work to achieve whatever dream you happen to pursue.

But I want to look at the context of this song. The Mother Abbess, a woman who has spent her life devoted to God, is telling a young novitiate to follow her dream. Here's where I'm confused. Genuinely. What is Maria's dream? To marry the Captain? She knows at this point that it's impossible. They both do. So why get her hopes up?

Yes, we know how the story ends. Georg really loved Maria, not Elsa. But this is not at all the advice a nun gives a young girl in the 30s! I could understand it if the Reverend Mother is telling her to search for God's plan for her life, since it apparently wasn't becoming a nun. Although, I'm not sure why. Sure, Maria was a bit boisterous, but that's not necessarily a bad thing in a nun. The Catholic Church used to have a Vatican Women's Rifle Team. That's a bit more out there than singing in the abbey. And I've met nuns who were also agents for the FBI. But whatever, Maria doesn't want to be a nun, fine. The Reverend Mother can use this song, despite lacking in any mention of faith, God, God's will, etc., to show Maria that there are other paths God might take her down.

But no. She tells her to pursue her dream of possibly breaking up a man's potential marriage.

I think I'm coming down on the side of not liking this song again.

It's amazing how insidious these little ideas of forgetting God and following the world can be. And they are everywhere.

What are your thoughts?

Threshold

"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the lion. 

~ C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

The Silver Chair is not my favorite of the Chronicles of Narnia. In fact, the first time I read it, I came close to hating it. It felt like a very different book from what I had read previously. I loved the Pevensies, and they were nowhere to be found except in passing. I had a hard time following the plot and figuring out where the three heroes were, especially when they are Underland. Puddleglum was odd, Eustace was a bit useless, and Jill had an appalling memory. And then when they found Rillian, everything got a bit weird. My initial skepticism of this particular chronicle was not helped in the slightest by the BBC film. I'm hoping the new one will be a vast improvement.

Contrast this with my feelings on The Horse and His Boy. I can make a very good case for this being my favorite of the series, despite it falling under many of the same categories as The Silver Chair. It still feels like a very different book, because you start in Calormen and take forever to actually reach Narnia. The Pevensies are there, but in the height of their reign. The heroes are a boy with questionable judgment, a Calormene girl, and horses. If anything, this book should be last on my list. After all, C.S. Lewis basically wrote fan fiction about his own universe. (Actually, maybe that's why I like it so much. I love exploring the construct of a universe. Anyway.)

As with many things, however, I have grown to appreciate The Silver Chair more as I have grown. 

That's not what this post is about.

This post is about that quote up there, the one at the beginning. Narnia is, of course, largely allegorical, with Aslan (the lion) standing in for Jesus Christ. (Lewis, interestingly, denied that his stories were allegorical in nature, instead referring to them as 'supposals.' Suppose a world such as Narnia existed, where animals can talk and nature is much more important. How would God redeem such a world?) The Emperor Over the Sea is God the Father, who has a very hands-off role in the Chronicles, and the role of the Holy Spirit is usually filled by Aslan. 

Now, it's entirely possible to read too much into the parallels of faith between this world and Narnia. There are a few things I would be hesitant to embrace should they be taken to their natural conclusions, chief of which (for me) is the role of the young Calormene soldier in The Last Battle who faithfully serves the false god Tash but still ends up in True Narnia. There is a disturbing spirit of universalism in this passage, whether Lewis intended it that way or not. 

I'm getting off track again. 

I want to analyze just this one line, keeping in mind that it may not translate to Christianity at all.

But I'm pretty sure it does.

I want to start with the ways it bothers me, just because I think I'll end up on the other side of this fence.

I think part of my issue is related to why I loathe the silent drama that churches like to put on to "Everything" by Lifehouse. You know the one.  Partly, it's because I don't like the whole mime thing. It creeps me out. Also, it's too long. But mostly, it's because they always portray it as the young girl straining and straining to get to Jesus, and Jesus takes too darn long to bust some heads and get to her. I understand the whole get-distracted-by-the-world thing and the turning-your-eyes-from-Jesus thing. But in the depths of my despair, when I cry out earnestly for God to rescue me, unless I'm in Hell, Jesus is going to answer me, and not with a 'yeah, this song is really long so give me two more minutes.'

So I'm bothered by the implication that we aren't crying out for God on our own.

But that's where my old nature and lack of understanding come in. Because this is really a moot point. It's not even a chicken and egg situation. Before everything, God. Did he want the Fall to happen? No. Did he know it would? Yes, so he planned accordingly. Could he have prevented it? Undoubtedly. But only by creating beings without free will, and what's the point of creating something that can't think for itself?

Ooo, my Arminian side is showing. Don't worry, Calvin is lurking right around the corner. But not Hyper Calvin. That guy's crazy. (And let's not get on the subject of angels. For now.)

So, God knew we were going to choose evil. It's what we do. And he knew it would separate us from him. So he built in a way to draw us back to himself. Because his desire from the beginning was fellowship with us.

From the beginning, he was calling to us. Peter (the apostle, not the king) said it best. He tells us that God doesn't want anyone to perish, but for all to desire and pursue a relationship with God.

The interesting thing in The Silver Chair is that Aslan does not rescue Eustace and Jill right away when they start calling to him. They first have to make their way to the door in the garden. And here's where the parallels could get incredibly deep and technical, but I see it very simply.

A lot of people call on God. There's a reason "no atheists in foxholes" is a saying you often hear. God doesn't want anyone to perish, and calling on God is important, yes. But just believing in a vague notion of a supreme being and asking for its help when you're in a jam isn't enough. When we call on God, he shows us how to get to him, and it's not always easy, but it is very clear. There is one path, one door - and until we take the steps of repentance and faith, we won't be in fellowship with God.

I feel like I'm dancing around a point here, and I may have lost the plot a bit. Let's go back to what bothered me. I was bothered by the implication that man doesn't cry out for God on our own.

But the truth is, we don't. If there weren't evidence of God in this world, what would we appeal to? Would we appeal to nature? That quickly reveals itself to be fickle and unreliable. Would we appeal to man? I've seen a lot of people appealing to the better nature of man, and guess what? That, too, fails. We have nothing good in this world except what comes from God.

The only thing we can appeal to that will never change, that is True and Just and on whom we can rely, is God. And we can appeal to him because he so desperately wants us that he's been revealing himself to us for all of time.

We just have to answer his call. 

December in Colorado

Uh, so, last December I went to Colorado with my sister, nephew, and parents to see my other sister, other nephews, and brother-in-law. I'm just now posting these photos. Go me. 

This is the view from right down Julie's street. Not a bad way to wake up in the morning. 

The grandparents and grandkids. Caleb and Zane loved having Jeremy there, and I think Jeremy enjoyed having a couple of shadows. 

The sisters. It's obvious to me that we're related. Anyone else?

Jeremy and Jennifer

 

We went up to Estes Park and got some amazing photos of the mountains.

Elk. Multiple elk. Elks?

There's a little place called Georgetown that we love to go to. It's a very quaint mining village, and I took this just for Foster. 

These birds remind me of the little sandpipers at the beach. I forget what they're called, but I love the blue!

It still amazes me that people crossed these mountains, without roads, for years. 

We also went to the Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum. They have an X-wing! It's something like 3/5 actual size, one of five created for the release of the remaster, I think. It's signed by most of the cast. I spent a lot of time with this Incom T-65. 

The X-wing series by Michael A. Stackpole and Aaron Allston is one of my absolute favorites of the Extended Universe collection. Part of the reason I made it all the way through the Yuuzhan Vong debacle is because of my love for Corran Horn. And I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, but if by some miracle you do, we need to be best friends. kk?