Why Christian Missions Should Be Talking About New Tribes... And Others

Consider this your warning. We're going to talk about some difficult things. Specifically, I'm responding to this article about New Tribes. Click the link and read it. Please. Because these things do happen and people refuse to talk about them, and that is no longer an option. It should never have been an option. I'm serious about the warning. Don't read this if you want to remain naive.

I'm going to cover a lot of stuff in here. I anticipate the length of this blog post will be essay-like. But this article brought up a lot of thoughts and issues, some of which I have personal experience with and some of which I don't. I'm going to try to remain coherent, but I think you all know by now that I tend to go off on side rants and forget to string together my main points. Before I go through the article, I want to make some things clear. 

1. I was not a victim of sexual abuse as a child. 

2. I am horrified and appalled at the actions of New Tribes as an organization and at the actions of many of its employees.

3. I am not surprised by either the actions of the organization nor by the actions of its employees. 

I think those are important points to clarify, particularly the first. I don't have trauma of this type hidden in my past, so my commentary on it can only be that of an outsider. Also, I want to reassure you that this isn't going to be some accusatory post - I don't personally know any of these people, nor do I know of anyone who is abusing children (because if I did, they'd either be in jail or in the ground). 

I'm also going to try not to make this an indictment of evangelicals and missions in general. I am an evangelical Christian missionary, and as ludicrous as I find it sometimes to be all of those things (again, this shouldn't be shocking to you, but if it is, we can definitely have a conversation about it), I feel genuinely called by God to share my faith with others, and specifically, to do it through the particular organization with which I serve. 

Also, it's very easy to look at something in hindsight and condemn the 'obvious' problematic aspects of this particular case. But the premise is theoretically sound - keep your children safe and give them a good education by sending them to boarding school. It's been done for years, and ideally, it would produce well-educated, possibly mildly socially-inhibited children. But if you are not very careful, you end up with exactly the situation that New Tribes had, whether you're a Christian organization or not (though it tends to be worse in Christian organizations, the reasons for which we will hopefully explore later). 

Because people ignore a fundamental aspect of life: people are inclined toward evil. Everyone likes to think that people are naturally good. They are wrong. Because of the Fall, we are all born with the old nature. If we think we can get away with something (and even sometimes when we know we won't), we will try. And if we get away with it once (and again, even if we don't), we'll keep doing it until it's so entrenched in our lives that you need dynamite to get it out. 

(Jesus is the dynamite in this scenario, in case you were wondering.)

Now, when people become Christians, there's this assumption that they no longer have the old nature. They've started this new life with Christ and everything is hunky-dory. But I'm going to posit a theory that this assumption is wrong. The old nature is still there. We just don't have to be a slave to it. But this requires us to constantly seek after God's will. We have to be active followers of Jesus, meaning we do the work involved in a constant striving for perfection. Jesus told us to be perfect as he is perfect. Is it possible in this life? That's a debate for another time (and one I think I've had on here before). But I think we should assume it is. We should constantly be working to be better than we were yesterday. 

But that's not what happens. We get complacent. We hear "Jesus forgives you" and we think, "Cool. I'm set." We assume that we are immune to temptation. We lie to ourselves that we aren't really doing anything wrong or we'll just try something once and then repent or we're exempt from that particular commandment or we're just terrible people so what's the point of trying. And then we support each other in our lies - we hear 'avoid the appearance of evil' and think that means 'hide the evil that exists.' We tell each other that we have to sacrifice some things for the good of the mission, that standards can be lowered so numbers can be raised, that a few bad apples don't spoil the crate. 

And that's how you end up with New Tribes. 

(We're picking on them here because they were the ones who got caught and have had their dirty laundry aired publicly. But they are not the sole perpetrators of this, and I will in no way be surprised when stories start coming out about other organizations.)

****

So here's the story. Back in the '80s and '90s (and I'm only limiting myself to that time frame because it's what was in the article and what has been investigated), some dorm parents at New Tribes boarding schools were sexually abusing the missionary kids who were under their care. Some of the abuse was reported right away. Most was not until much later. When it was reported, New Tribes invariably sided with the perpetrator while telling the victim to keep it quiet. There was no investigation until 2010 (and that was only one school). 

I'm going to start with the problematic elements that are glaring in retrospect and should have been apparent at the time. 

1. New Tribes deliberately separated children from their parents. In some cases, I can maybe make a case for this - serving in a security risk country or lack of educational options. But nine times out of ten, I don't see how separating parents and children benefits either of them. 

2. In many cases, there was only one dorm parent for dozens of kids. If the Wiggles can figure out that they shouldn't be left alone with children and that their hands should be visible at all times, it should be apparent to everyone. (Google it.)

3. Dorm parents had access to the rooms of children of the opposite sex. And yes, I realize that same sex access is a problem as well. Basically, doing anything as a dorm parent without a team member with you is a problem. 

4. Missionary kids, by nature, are going to be more vulnerable. We call them TCKs - third culture kids. They don't necessarily fit into the culture of their parents, but they also don't fully fit into the culture of where they live. They create a third culture with elements from both. This can be incredibly confusing, and if kids are already inclined to internalize things, they will also keep quiet about something that they know is wrong, but don't know who to talk to or how to talk about it. 

5. The mission statement of New Tribes set the tone for risky behavior. They fostered an environment that encouraged people to keep quiet about anything that would damage their reputation or hinder them from achieving certain goals. 

6. Their policy (actual, supposedly debated policy) was to not report sexual abuse to the police, either in the field or to authorities in the United States. How you justify this, I don't know. 

There are probably other things, but honestly, this should be enough. One is enough. When you have all of them working in concert, you create an environment that leads exactly where it led. 

Which is why I can't say I'm surprised. As much as it's not an excuse, missions in the 20th century was like the Wild West. There was a huge surge in evangelistic efforts, and oftentimes, ideals and people fell through the cracks. Problems were papered over in the race to save souls. And we're suffering for it now. Some organizations have learned from their mistakes and created policies to guard against similar ones in the future. But I'm afraid that there are others who haven't learned anything from this. They believe it couldn't possibly happen to them. They're all Christians, after all. 

That is a foolish and naive attitude. 

****

There is a lot about this article that makes me angry. But I want to highlight some specific elements that pushed me from angry to livid to screaming into a pillow in the studio. (I won't include descriptions of the abuse because that really was enough to make me throw up. These will be more attitudes and actions that contributed to the problem instead of helping to solve it.)

"I think high-risk offenders are drawn to that environment because these groups are often in desperate need of staff, there's minimal accountability and significant numbers of vulnerable people," Tchividjian said. "That's a perfect recipe for a sexual offender."

This is so true, and I can't emphasize that enough. Mission agencies are DESPERATE for staff. It's why the accountability problem is so difficult to solve. It's hard enough to find one person to serve in a particular ministry, let alone two. And yet instead of saying, "Well, we can't find the personnel, so we're just not going to do this," we just let it go on. We make excuses, figure it will be fine. We're all Christian, after all. Why do we do this? Why, if we know something won't be done properly and well, do we assume that it has to be done? Sometimes, you have to let things fail or end or fizzle out. IF it's something you feel God has called your organization to do, then don't you think God will also provide the means to get it done well? 

"By unflinching determination we hazard our lives and gamble all for Christ until we have reached the last tribe regardless of where that tribe might be," the group said in the May 1943 issue of its official magazine, "Brown Gold."

So I'm not even going to touch that magazine title. The colonial overtones of 20th century missions have always made my skin crawl. But I will address that mission statement. Because it sounds great, doesn't it? We do whatever it takes to reach as many people as possible for Jesus. But it's that phrase 'gamble all for Christ' that I have very specific problems with. There are very fundamental things required of a disciple of Jesus Christ. Love God (and much of that is obedience to what God commands) and love others (specifically as Jesus loved them, meaning you willingly lay your life down for them if necessary and you don't impede someone's journey to and with Jesus). When you say 'gamble all,' it implies that you are also gambling those fundamental things. You say 'gamble' and I hear 'be reckless and do whatever it takes.' (Don't get me started on "Reckless Love," okay? Just don't.) And once you start to have a mentality of anything goes, you've set yourself up for all kinds of problems.

For years, Mikitson dared not speak up. She and the other former students said they were taught reporting negative things could jeopardize their parents' work and strip the locals of the chance to have their souls saved.

THIS. I wish I could tell you that this attitude doesn't exist today, but boy howdy, does it ever. I see it in organizations, I see it in churches, I see it in specific ministries. DO NOT DO ANYTHING TO DISRUPT THE PRIMARY MISSION. IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'VE ALREADY DONE THAT BY ALLOWING CERTAIN ACTIONS TO GO UNREMARKED UPON AND UNPUNISHED. Every time I encounter this, I understand why someone responds negatively to Christianity. Why would I want to be part of something that allows stuff like this to happen, that in fact actively encourages a coverup? We've only made it harder to share the Good News of Jesus by not practicing what we preach. And then I have to find a way to explain why the actions of others do not reflect the reality of a true Christian life. 

"They asked me to describe what had happened, and I told them," Kelly said. "And they told me to not say anything. It was my duty to protect my family, to protect my dad, and if I did say anything, if I did tell anybody anything, my dad would be thrown in a Filipino jail."

Within a week, Kelly said, her family was shipped out of the Philippines and flown to Missouri to attend therapy sessions with a mission counselor.

"After two weeks we were pronounced healed and whole," Kelly said. "Those were their words."

Emory was ordered to leave the mission, Kelly said, but the real reason for the family's sudden relocation was kept secret from all but a few in the organization.

"You try to do the right thing," Kelly said. "We got shushed and rushed out of the country. They made us all stay quiet. They silenced us."

This entire section illustrates the culture perfectly. Why are the kids the ones who are punished for the adults' actions? The kids are the only innocent parties in this. Telling them to be quiet about something like this just tells them that they are the ones at fault. And then the whole counseling thing - sure, yes, absolutely do that. But no one is 'healed' of the torment inflicted upon them by sexual abuse in two weeks. This is a classic example of an organization that could not ignore the issue, so they quietly made it go away. What Christian organization (or non-Christian one, for that matter) wants to admit that a predator walked among them? So they lie by omission about the reason for someone's departure. They use euphemisms (and if you haven't seen "Spotlight" about the Catholic abuse scandal in Boston, you really should. The lengths to which the Church went to disguise their problem are ridiculous.) and knowing looks. They cast doubt on the accuser and hide under the umbrella of grace. And they force people out of the calling that God placed on their lives. 

Mikitson's father, John, said he called New Tribes around 1989 to report Brooks, and the response left him stunned.

"You are going to ruin this man's ministry if you keep talking about this," he said he was told.

HIS MINISTRY IS ALREADY RUINED!!!! Just because 'no one else knows' about what he did, he's living a lie. Everything he does from that point on is tainted. Again, why would I become a Christian if he's your prime example of what being a Christian is?

"If it is a homosexual act with a child, the person will be dismissed immediately and may never be considered for membership in the mission again. If it is a heterosexual act the person will be dismissed immediately but could be considered for ministry again in the future depending on the case. If it occurs in the field, it is not necessary to report it to the Senegalese or U.S. authorities. It must be investigated as not doing so could be ruinous for the mission."

The double standard here is ridiculous. Yes, homosexuality is a sin. But guess what? So is sex outside of marriage, having an affair, and a number of other things that we now frown upon but allow with little comment. THERE IS NO HIERARCHY OF SIN!! Sin is sin is sin. (Try that one on for size, Lin-Manuel Miranda.) Preying on children of the opposite sex should not be more palatable than preying on children of the same sex. And the whole issue of allowing someone to be considered for ministry again... Look, as a Christian, I have to believe that everyone is capable of redemption. Everyone who repents of their sin (which means not only confessing it but also changing behavior!) and accepts Jesus as their Savior will go to Heaven. Everyone, from the guy who maybe shoplifted a few times and told a lie or two to the guy who molested children in a missionary school to the guy who ordered the murder of millions of Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, and whoever else he didn't like. It's a hard pill to swallow. But that does not mean that they are absolved of any consequences in this life. And there should be consequences. One of those might be that that person is not considered for ministry again - and if they are, I'd watch them like a hawk. Forgive, but DO NOT FORGET. That is biblical. I like this answer.  And finally, not reporting something just so you don't look bad is stupid. You look worse when it eventually comes out. And it will come out. Always. Take charge of the narrative, own up to the mistake, and do what you can to serve those who have been wronged.

New Tribes changed its name to Ethnos 360 in May 2017.

"You have an organization that had to deal with some press and people talking about it but in large part has moved on and continues to do their work around the world."

I mostly included that because I don't want it to get lost. They are still around. And again, I can't be the judge of whether or not that is a good thing or a bad thing. I've had no interaction with New Tribes or their latest iteration. But I don't know that I want to. (They actually do acknowledge the story on their website, which I have to give them credit for, but their response is not exactly satisfying.) If you're debating about joining a mission organization or donating to one, do your research! Figure out what your standards are and determine as best as you can whether that organization meets them. 

"I haven't lost my trust in God," [Joy Drake] said. "I lost my trust in people that claim to be godly."

I don't know that I've related to a statement more than this one. Look, I often joke that I don't particularly like people. I get that it's a weird thing to say, especially for a missionary. But this is a struggle for me. People are capable of the worst kinds of evil, and to know that and still tell them about the love of Jesus and the wonders of Heaven feels like an oxymoron sometimes. But there's the other side of that coin. People are capable of the worst kinds of evil, but Jesus loves us anyway. He wants us anyway. He made a home for us anyway. He sends his followers anyway. There's a reason my blog is titled Because His Love Compels Us. I don't do what I do because I'm such a good person. I wouldn't be doing this if I was the one determining my journey in life. That's just a fact. I do what I do because it's what God wants me to do. I love people because Jesus loves them. I get angry when people who are supposed to be doing the same thing for the same reason screw up. And yes, people fail. This life is a battle. It's not easy to obey God's commands. I fail often. But own up to it! Seek forgiveness and make reparations. Don't shove it under a rug or in a dark corner or in the back of a closet. Don't normalize it. And please please please, if you've been a victim of this or something else, understand that God is not the one who has failed you. The people who did it to you and the people who knew about it and did nothing are the ones who failed you. This is why we don't put our faith in people or things. We put our faith in God. 

Several missionary groups, not just New Tribes, have been battling to keep a lid on their own ugly pasts, according to Tchividjian. He said he's "lost count" of the number of people who have reached out to him with stories of physical and sexual abuse within various mission organizations.

It is still happening. Why? Because evil persists. There are things we can do to guard against it, but we live in a fallen world. We're surrounded by people who are struggling against these evil desires, and quite often, they lose. But we can't lose hope. We still have to do what we can to guard our own hearts and lives and those of people around us. Because as a Christian organization, we have to live by different standards.

****

So what does OMS do to guard against this happening here? And do I trust that it won't happen in our organization?

Here are a few things we do, in no particular order: 

1. Missionaries have to raise their own support. This might seem like an odd thing to put on this list, but it does provide some measure of reassurance. Because they aren't wrong - this environment attracts a specific type of person. And if you can deter a few by making them raise their own support, absolutely do it. (There are other reasons to raise support, and there are reasons not to, but for the purposes of this list, I think it does make the ones who are already predators think twice.)

2. OMS has a child safety team that is specifically trained to investigate abuse allegations. They were carefully selected from our current missionary members, and I trust them to be thorough and vocal in their investigations. (To my knowledge, we have not yet had to make use of their services, thank God. But the fact that we all know they exist is a step further than some.)

3. OMS conducts background checks on all missionary candidates. We have a comprehensive application process (which, yes, I complain about sometimes, but it serves an important purpose) that includes online and in-person wellness interviews. We do panel interviews instead of one-on-one. Any red flags are pursued.

4. Remember when I talked about avoiding the appearance of evil? This is actually a good thing when you do it the right way. We don't want to do anything that makes people raise an eyebrow or question what is really going on. 

There are probably others, but this is getting quite long, and I can't think of anything else right now. 

As for my second question, can I state categorically that this particular situation won't ever happen at OMS? No, I can't. I can't even say it hasn't happened in the past. To my direct knowledge, it has not happened on an organizational level. But I've heard enough stories and read between enough lines to know that some Very Bad Things have happened in our history. We're not perfect, we don't have a foolproof plan, and we still live in a fallen world. I do my best to be on the lookout for it now, though. I don't want to assume it can't happen, because it absolutely can. There are a lot of things that can happen. I never want us to be so consumed by our reputation that we start hiding things from ourselves and the world. And I don't want to get so caught up in the Job that I forget about the people around me. Because I believe in the Great Commission. I believe in the mission of OMS. And I don't want that to be ruined because we forgot the fundamentals.

****

A few years ago, I attended the Christian Leadership Alliance conference in Florida. Francis Chan was the speaker, and his last message was this: some of you are engaging in acts that will permanently damage your organizations when the story comes out. And the story WILL come out. So come forward now. Resign. Repent. Be honest with yourselves and your constituents and with God. Because THAT is more Christian than covering it up.  

One of my coworkers that was also attending leaned over. "I'm guessing we'll hear about some resignations soon."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I agreed. We would hear about resignations. But it would take months. And we would only hear about them in the context of the scandal that came in its wake. 

This was a long one. But I think it needed to be. I probably overlooked some things. I probably missed a few points. But I think we need to create a culture that takes responsibility for its mistakes, deliberate or otherwise. We need a culture that listens to accusations and actually investigates them instead of assuming that they couldn't be true. We need a culture that works to rehabilitate offenders while still giving appropriate punishments. We need a culture that acknowledges the hurt we've done to people we're trying to help, and we need to work with them to help them heal. We need a culture that practices discipline and humility. We need to be in constant communication with God and with our fellow believers about how we can be better today than we were yesterday. 

Quite frankly, we need Heaven on Earth. But until we get to that point, we need constant vigilance. 

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. 

Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, 

seeking someone to devour." 

1 Peter 5:8

Future Comments

As a rule, I don't talk politics on here. Or say extremely controversial things. (Mildly controversial is fine.) I don't really want to break that streak now. But...

Last week, I read an article in New York magazine. It's about a cyber attack in December 2017. No, I didn't get the date wrong. It was describing a large event that could happen based on isolated incidents in the last few years. I found it to be quite an interesting article, if more than a little terrifying.

Based on what has happened in the last few months, I wrote my own predictive text for a future article.

Read into it what you will.


"Over the next few months, attacks increased exponentially. The response was also exponential, but in the opposite direction. Where once a mass shooting would monopolize the evening news, eventually only triple digits inspired more than a standard blurb in minute fifteen. Investigations took place, but largely only into isolated incidents - few bothered to take more than a cursory look into possible links between worldwide events. Those who did were stonewalled by political posturing and cultural apologetics. Officials feared assigning labels such as 'terrorism' or 'evil' because of the inevitable backlash from the media and the more vocal members of the public. By the time anyone (outside of a small minority who were ignored) recognized the common denominator, it was too late."



How long do you think it will take for this article to become reality?

I'd like to provide an appropriately horrified and saddened response to all of the attacks that are taking place. People are dying, in ways they couldn't anticipate, at the hands of people who don't seem to need provocation or reason beyond a complete disregard for the sanctity of human life.

But it seems like there's a new attack every other day. Sometimes every day. And keeping up that level of horror and sadness is exhausting. Day by day, it becomes a little more commonplace. It's accepted that this is going to happen. And my own respect for the sanctity of human life is diminished.

I don't want to live in this kind of world. But ignoring it doesn't make it go away. I was listening to someone talk about the "broken windows" policy in policing. If you leave a broken window in a building, eventually all of the windows will be broken. People will assume that, since no one cared to fix the first window, no one will care about the rest of them. Ignoring problems only creates bigger problems. Claiming that a broken window is not actually a broken window but a cultural norm or a broken door does not fix the problem.

Only by facing the problem head on, i.e. recognizing a broken window for what it is, fixing the window, and preventing what broke it in the first place from happening again, can we begin to make progress. 

Love Your Enemies

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV)

I don't know many people outside of TV shows who have real, personal enemies. Most of us have people who annoy us, sure, but would we go so far as to call them an enemy? And yeah, we have distant enemies - people who want to destroy us for ideological, religious, or cultural reasons. But the majority of us will never encounter these people face-to-face.

I have a tendency to ignore these verses. As time goes by, however, I'm realizing more and more why that is a really bad idea.

In many ways, this is the most radical thing Jesus ever said. And he said it at a time when Israel had a lot of enemies, and most of them lived right there with them.

I like Jesus' "you have heard" statements. There was a glut of fancy sayings going around at the time. I liken it to the Calormenes in The Chronicles of Narnia, especially in The Horse and His Boy. They were constantly sprinkling 'wise' sayings into their overly formal speech, all in an effort to convince everyone that they knew more than they really did. In reality, it was borrowed wisdom. Even now, every political speech borrows rhetoric from someone who said it better before who borrowed it from someone who probably borrowed a bastardized version of someone else's words. The Pharisees were famous for their little creeds and rules. People really had heard these things before, probably ad nauseum. 

Interestingly enough, however, as so often happens, what they heard was not what was originally said. They heard, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But where does that even come from? Well, the first part comes from Leviticus 19. In the midst of God's instructions to the people of Israel was an admonition to "love your neighbor as yourself." Cool. Makes sense. But what about the rest of it?

See, the Pharisees had this nasty habit of "fixing" what they considered to be ambiguous instructions. For example, let's say God had told the people of Israel not to sit in a particular style of chair for longer than two hours. It's a good rule because any longer, and that style would screw up your back. But how to enforce something like that? Well, you tell people that that style of chair is evil, an abomination in God's eyes. Also, anyone who would own a chair like that is evil. So, we ban the chair. All because of an instruction designed to help people's posture. (Yeah, it's an extreme example, but it works.)

So, God told people to love their neighbors. Makes sense. People who live together should get along. But the opposite of love is hate. And if doing one thing is good, then following it to its natural conclusion is better, right? It's natural to have a beef with someone who is against you. Even David prayed for God to kill his enemies.

(You're about to tell me that David also smashed babies' heads against rocks. I'm fully aware. Do I completely understand it? No. But I understand some of it. Continue reading.)

The Israelites lived according to the law. The whole world lived according to the law. The law is black and white. Do this. Do not do that. And according to the law, God is perfect. Man is not. It is entirely within God's character to instruct Joshua to wipe out the people of Canaan. They had no interest in following the law, and God knew that if they were left alive, they would corrupt his chosen people. (And guess what happened.)

The problem comes when you realize that man cannot in any way, shape, or form keep the entire law. It's impossible. We saw it time and again with Israel. They'd toe the line for a little while and then BAM - back to pursuing the world.

And then Jesus comes along with his "you heard" statements. "Look, you tried it this way," he says. "It ain't working. So let's do it the way it should be and could have been if you'd listened from the start."

And the way it should be? Grace.

Here's the thing about enemies. They are people. They see the sun, feel the rain, they live in the same world as you and I. They are human. And humans were created in the image of God. God loves them. So why can't we?

I will tell you right now, it won't make one bit of difference to most of our enemies if we love them or not. They won't care that we're praying for them. In fact, that may make them hate us even more. It might even make your friends hate you. I got into a Facebook discussion about the refugee crisis last year, and I found myself making the statement that even if I got a grenade in exchange for bread, I still had to offer it. It was a shattering realization. I had to decide if I actually believed that.

Love your enemy. The most terrifying enemy I can think of right now is ISIS. If they ever came after me or my family, could I show them love? Could I pray for them, knowing that they killed a family member or raped a daughter?

I believe there are such things as righteous wars. I believe there are certain people who are so dangerous to others that they should be stopped at whatever personal cost.

But it can't be done out of hatred. And that's why the second part of that verse is key. We're to pray for those who persecute us.

Why? Do those people stop persecuting us if we start praying for them? Does God change his mind and rescue us from certain death? It probably won't make any difference to the people doing the persecuting whether we pray for them or not. And God doesn't change his mind. Whatever needs to happen will happen.

But prayer isn't for the benefit of others. I like the way C.S. Lewis put it: "I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God- it changes me."

We pray for those who persecute us because it helps us in turn to love them.

At the end of those verses, Jesus told us to be perfect. Another translation is to be holy. Complete sanctification. (There's a debate among Christians about whether or not it's possible to be completely sanctified in this life. Personally, I believe it is. Jesus told us to be holy by being like him, and if it wasn't possible, I don't think he would have said it. Do I think anyone has ever actually achieved this? No. But the point is to try.) Part of being perfect is reaching the point where, through Jesus Christ, we can love our enemies.


I'm still thinking on this one. Part of the point of this blog is to work out what I'm thinking by writing it down. I'm not saying it's completely theologically or doctrinally sound. But it's where my head is right now. I invite productive discourse. 

Five Years. Really?

(The following is a speech I will give, am giving, gave - depending on when you read this - at my five-year recognition chapel at OMS. If you'd rather hear it, I'm sure I'll post a link to it somewhere. There's a ton more I could talk about after five years, and I probably will in the blog soon. For now, enjoy.)

All right. Here we go.

I've been struggling with what to say on this, the fifth plus a bit anniversary of my time at OMS, ever since Kathy told me about it back in August. 

Okay, if you know me, you know that's not entirely accurate. I've been freaking out about it ever since I learned we do this kind of thing at OMS.

So, about five years. 

I've asked quite a few people what I should talk about today. Some were helpful. Some were not. I credit Foster Pilcher with the idea of writing a blog post and just reading that. So I did. Incidentally, if you'd like to read along, this posted about ten minutes ago. becausehislovecompelsus.blogspot.com

Five years ago, I started working here. But the journey really started about seven and a half years ago when I traveled to Sierra Leone, West Africa. On that trip, as I looked out over the city of Freetown, I felt that God was telling me that my future would involve missions of some kind. Six months later, I was interviewing with OMS.

I'll be honest. It took me a while to figure this place out. Y'all are holiness people, and as a rule, you're a little more touchy-feely than I'm used to. I also come from a denomination that historically has had a fairly narrow definition of the word 'missionary.' There are some people who do not consider what we do in HQ to be missionary work. That's something I've had to overcome both personally and professionally. 

So, two years. That's what I promised God. I'll do this mission thing for two years, and then I'll move on to The Plan. If you're not following along, The Plan is capitalized. I like Plans. I like routine, I like knowing what the next thing is. My Birkman is quite clear on this. 

So imagine my surprise when I reached the end of that two years and thought, "You know, I think I could do another year." You're smiling, but this was by no means a sure thing. 

Before we get to that, though, there are two things I need to highlight about those two years, and they actually happened within months of each other. First, I traveled to Thailand and South Asia in April 2011. Mike Dragon said last week that the first thing they do when you visit South Asia is break your heart. And he's right. I honestly didn't know how to deal with that trip. So I did the worst thing possible and shut down. I still have trouble talking about it. 

Then, in June of 2011, still not quite recovered, I went to Poland. And yes, I went for ministry purposes, but I want to talk about the day I spent in Auschwitz and Birkenau. 

I'm a history major. No matter what else I do in this life, I will always identify as a historian. And I had a lot of head knowledge about the Holocaust before this trip. I knew the numbers, I had seen the photos, I heard eyewitness accounts. 

But now I was walking where it happened. I saw the barracks designed for horses that instead housed hundreds of people. I saw desperate words scrawled on the walls of death chambers. I saw rooms of suitcases, shoes, and human hair stolen from millions of people. 

Needless to say, it was pretty impactful.

I came away from those trips with three things made abundantly clear. 

1. Satan is very real. 

2. It is a lot easier to serve evil than it is to do good.

3. We have hope. 

That last one may seem a little incongruous with the others. And it may seem hard to come away from a place like Auschwitz feeling hopeful. Even South Asia might seem like a stretch.

But for as difficult as a place like South Asia is, the Gospel is advancing. One of the things I vividly recall is standing on the shore watching dozens of people be baptized. It's a pretty incredible sight, made all the more remarkable when you know that persecution is not just a buzzword for these people. It's a reality. When I got off the plane in the capital, there was a notable oppression of spirit. I could almost feel the enemy working. But that just means he's scared. Satan doesn't have to work hard when he knows he's in control of a place.

Which brings us to Auschwitz. People talk about that place as though they can almost hear the cries of victims. And it is admittedly creepy to walk through the gas chambers. But mostly, I felt empty. I felt like I was seeing the pinnacle of evil. Like Satan had gotten things started and then let humanity take over, and this is what they achieved.

But I was talking about hope. And as we know from history, the Allies won. People realized what they were capable of. And for a little while, people pursued righteousness. Auschwitz now stands as a memorial and as a symbol of things that should never happen again.

Okay, so I sometimes go off on these rants on my blog. I apologize.

Let's go back to that third year. I finally felt like I was fitting in, or at least my brand of crazy was appreciated. So naturally, things started going wrong. I was in a pretty severe depression for several months. And I need to address this because we don't talk about depression much in Christian circles. I understand that. I don't really want to talk about it myself. But I talked to a counselor at my church about it, and she very nicely handed me a pamphlet that said my depression was a sign that I probably had a secret sin or that I wasn't close enough to Jesus. I'm here to tell you that the only reason I made it through is because I was desperately clinging to Jesus. He gave me hope that I would get out of the valley. And I eventually did.

I was pretty sure I'd be leaving OMS after three years, which was extremely disappointing. I felt like I was becoming the best version of myself here, and I didn't know how that would translate in the wider world. My Plan had changed, and I didn't like that.

But then I was offered a beacon of hope. A chance to stay for one more year. I'm not going to lie. It was a hard year. I was frustrated. I felt like I was losing whatever perspective I'd gained. So when the year was up, I was finally ready to leave. I had begged God for two more years. And now I was begging to move on.

It really looked like it was going to happen, too. My contract was up, I'd applied elsewhere, and yet every time I went to pack up my things, I'd hit a wall. It felt wrong.

And then ECC came calling. And I knew God was telling me to stay. I would officially be at OMS for a full five years. It's been a long road. I don't know how you guys focus on just one thing that happened. Five years is a long time.

But if I had to narrow it down to one lesson, that lesson would be hope. I'm a pretty cynical person. I will pretty much always see the worst-case scenario. But I have also become a hopeful person. And the source of my hope is and always will be Jesus Christ. I have been redeemed, and that gives me hope for the rest of the world. If even one third of the people we reach with our one billion opportunity gives their life to Jesus, can you imagine what that would do to the world?

I don't know where I will be five years from now. I'd love to be back up here, sharing my special brand of eccentricity and failing to concentrate on just one thing about the next five years. But wherever I am, I hope that I'm bringing hope to others. That's my new Plan.

Before I leave, I want to publicly thank a few people for getting me through the last five years. To my parents, for your unwavering support and for letting me cry on your shoulders, thank you. To my sisters, who gave me their own special brand of encouragement, thanks, I guess. To Lori McFall, for being a second mom, a sister, and a best friend rolled into one, thank you. To Sam Downey, for being a port in a stormy sea, thank you. To all of you, for sharing in my journey, thank you. And to God, for giving me exactly what I need when I need it, whether I like it or not, thank you. 

Still a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

All right, so yesterday was self-indulgent and stupid. I let things get the better of me. It'll happen again, but I'll try not to be so melodramatic about it.

Let's talk about something important.

The world has gone mad.

In the States, we're two steps away from electing a bombast (fill in the blank with your least favorite candidate). Cops and civilians alike are getting killed for no other reason than that they are cops and civilians. 30,000 people are battling wildfires that have killed dozens more. And the trending topic is a feud between Nickel Menace and Wiley Coyote. Or something like that.

In Europe, four million people have fled Syria because the Islamic State doesn't care who it kills as long as there's some kind of murder with breakfast. Millions more have fled other countries for similar reasons. These refugees are drowning or being packed into railway stations or beaten at borders because most of Europe really doesn't want them. And the trending topic is a misting shower designed to keep people cool.

In Asia, at least two countries have passed strict anti-conversion laws. Bombs are going off in major cities. North Korea is puffing its feathers again, and China has decided they want a bigger slice of the pie. Their trending topic is flipping Mel Gibson.

And Latin America? Well, the Guatemalan president has resigned. Ecuador is rounding up religious leaders and putting them in prison. Increased hurricane activity is taxing resources more than ever. Increased violence just about everywhere. And the top video on the BBC Latin America page is about making tacos al pastor in Mexico City.

I could go on. And yes, obviously some people are paying attention and trying to do something.

But even more are burying their heads in the sand.

Every time I watch the news, I think, Surely, this will be it. People can't possibly ignore this. This will be what finally makes them wake up.

Unfortunately, the thing that ends up waking these people up? Will probably be the thing that kills them two seconds later.

Sorry. This was supposed to be more uplifting. So here we go.

THERE IS HOPE!

This is what a world looks like without Jesus. Now imagine a world that knows and loves and follows Jesus.

You know what to do. 

Anger

I watched a video yesterday of Jimmy Kimmel crying over a lion. I read articles about how universally loved this lion was. I listened to rants from radio personalities about how annoying Americans are.

And then I watched a leaked video in which people who worked for Planned Parenthood discussed the dissection of children and the subsequent sale of their body parts.

Why do we care more about a dead lion than a dead human being?

At what point do people realize the horror of 50 million murdered children?

How do you justify such an act? How do you perform such an act?

I have half a mind to take up hunting and start shooting every single endangered species until there's nothing left.

Of course, I won't. Do you know why? Because I value life. All life.

This is not one of those cases where we can sigh and shake our heads and wonder why we're surprised that non-believers are sinning.

Children are being murdered. We should be shocked and horrified by that, whether we are believers or not.

So am I sad that the lion is dead? Sure.

But that lion could never have discovered the cure for cancer. Found a way to get to Mars. Raised a family. Taught Math at an underprivileged school. Become a professional athlete. Saved someone from a fire.

Or the fifty million other things those children could have done if they hadn't been murdered and sold as spare parts. 

Twelve Days In...

I don't care what anyone tells you, things are not getting better.

We are twelve days into 2015. Not even two weeks. And what have we wrought?

January 1 - Mourning begins after 36 people are killed in a stampede in China. A shooting in Canada kills one, injures 6. A suicide bomb in Yemen kills 49, injures 70.

January 2 - Boko Haram kills 11 in Cameroon.

January 3 - 3 cargo ships sink or run aground, killing more than 20.

January 4 - 40 killed in Pakistan strikes, UN peacekeepers hit roadside bomb in Mali, a bombing in Yemen, a suicide bomb in Somalia, and a building collapse in Kenya.

January 5 - Libyan bombing of a Greek freighter, two suicide bombs in the Middle East, another building collapses in Kenya, and an avalanche kills two.

January 6 - 23 Iraqis killed fighting ISIL, a suicide bomber in Istanbul, 12 killed in Ukraine bus crash, two trains collide in Brazil, and 21 confirmed deaths so far from influenza in the States.

January 7 - The Charlie Hebdo shooting in Paris and a car bomb kills 38 in Yemen.

January 8 - Boko Haram massacres an entire town in Nigeria, killing more than 2000. A suicide bomber kills 7 in Iraq.

January 9 - A hostage situation at a market in Paris kills 5.

January 10 - A suicide bomb in Pakistan. A suicide bomb in Nigeria. A suicide bomb in Lebanon. 30 dead. An oil tanker collides with a passenger coach, killing 57 in Pakistan. A shooting in Idaho.

January 11 - Two 10-year-olds forced to bomb markets in Nigeria.

January 12 - 69 dead after drinking crocodile poison in Mozambique. And it's only 12:55.



Have good things happened this year? Sure. A lot of them. But there have also been a whole lot more bad things than what I listed. Those stories made it to the international scene (unless you live in the U.S., in which case you probably didn't hear about half of them). My local news has been jam-packed with shootings, accidents, and other crime reports since just after midnight on January 1.

I don't want to send the wrong message here. If you're depressed by this list, you really should be. It's horrifying. And January 13 is likely not going to be the magical day that everyone lays down their arms and declares love for their fellow man. They won't do that until they experience the love of a Savior. And that is what gives us hope. There is a cure for the disease of sin.

There's a lot of work to be done. 

I shouldn't write things at midnight.

I'm at a loss to understand how anyone can look at the world we live in and think people by themselves can make things better.

We live in a fallen world.

I can measure my life in tragedies. Public ones. World-changing, horrible events that stole breath from my body and stuttered my heart.

Except recently. I was awakened  sometime early Friday morning with a news notification on my phone that a shooting had taken place in Colorado. I worried briefly about my sister and her family, but when no call came, I went back to bed. After my alarm woke me up, I checked the news, saw the reports of the deaths and injuries - and I went about my day. I felt a momentary grief, said a prayer for the families and went back to my printing projects. Why?

Because this kind of thing doesn't really surprise me, not anymore.

I can still remember the first time my innocence was stolen. 1995 - a truck exploded outside of the federal building in Oklahoma City. It was incomprehensible to me, a nine-year-old child. I'm certain my parents did their best to shield me, but even back then, the images were everywhere. As more was revealed, the perpetrator caught, I found myself asking a question. If one human being could do that, what else were they capable of? What was I capable of?

I felt no small amount of satisfaction when Timothy McVeigh was executed for his crimes. I'm ashamed that I'm not more ashamed of that fact.

Just a few months later, I saw firsthand what can happen when one group of people hates another group of people because of ideals, religion, politics, wealth, history... Take your pick. I already knew the world was a crappy place to live, but as I sat in tenth grade history watching towers fall, I understood for the first time just how doomed it was.

And yet people forget. They compartmentalize. They lay blame in all the wrong places. And sometimes they just don't care.

I don't watch the news now. I can't. I read headlines on my phone, and even that makes me want to hide in my apartment, away from the world. I feel sick to my stomach, and yet I wonder why it bothers me. It's nothing new, after all.

But at the same time, it makes me want to start screaming at everyone.

Don't you understand? The world isn't a good place. Things aren't getting better all the time. Living a 'green' life isn't going to fix things. Politics isn't going to fix things. Tolerance isn't going to fix things. Humanity cannot fix things.

I want my innocence back. I want to be able to breathe again, to feel my heart beat in a steady rhythm. I want to be able to allow myself more than a moment of righteous indignation at senseless acts of violence. I want to know that if I start crying at what I see around me, I'll be able to stop one day.

Why do I do what I do? Because there is Someone who can fix things. Someone who can take screwed up, broken people and put them back together. Only One who stood against Death and won. The only One who can make this brief life worth living.

Why can't everyone else understand that?




Saturday Addendum: It occurred to me that this world would have ended a long time ago if some people didn't know there was hope. It doesn't take too long to realize that the hole in our souls can't be filled by sex, drugs, money, power, fame or anything else this world has to offer. It is only through belief in and obedience to Jesus Christ that we have any hope at all. We as Christians just need to do a better job of letting other people know that.

I Remember. I Wish I Could Forget.

I was sitting in second period. World History. We were late getting started, and rumors started circulating that something had happened. Finally, Mr. Weaver came in. A plane has hit the World Trade Center. They took the students downstairs to the cafeteria. Chet Swearingen helped them set up a TV, and we turned on the news. I don't remember now if we saw the second plane hit, or if it came on after that. We were just kids.

I was fifteen.

We talked amongst ourselves, one eye on the TV. Christine, my best friend, asked me what it meant. I tried to explain what I knew about the World Trade Center - it wasn't a lot. I told her that it was a key financial center, and the economy would be hurt badly. This has happened before in 1993. The towers will be fine. We can recover.

The Pentagon has also been hit.

There will be a war, I thought.

More rumors were flying. Parents were coming to pick up their kids. A fourth plane had hit the White House. No, it was headed toward the White House. The Capitol Building. A fifth plane had been hijacked.

The news agencies couldn't keep up. They were just as panicked, just as confused. Airports were being shut down. The West Coast was just waking up.

The first tower fell.

It hadn't been that long since we started watching - less than an hour - but most of us had already settled into this new mindset. It was obvious that something big had changed - our worldview had just been radically altered. But it wasn't until I watched the towers fall that all of this was cemented in my mind.

I couldn't stop watching. But I didn't want to talk anymore. I was numb. Who would do this to us? I was fifteen! A sophomore in high school. I had never heard of Al Qaeda or Osama bin Laden. I didn't understand how anything like this could happen.

I don't remember much about the rest of the day. I can't remember if they sent us home early, or if I waited. I know the news was a constant presence. The crash in Pennsylvania seemed almost surreal to me, like it was just one thing too many to add to the horrors of the day. I remember thinking that there was still another airplane out there somewhere. Somehow, I ended up in the car with my dad. We went to get gas because the tank was nearly on empty, and there were huge lines no matter where we went. I felt indignant. We were getting gas because we needed it, not because we were afraid! Gas had jumped to some astronomical price (probably what it is now). Jennie Snow helped us pump gas because the lines were going all over the place.

It was like living in a fog. I felt like I had to watch the news because history was happening in front of me, but I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. Weeks passed, and more of the story unfolded. I was indignant. I felt like I had been personally attacked.

Sometime later, possibly on the month anniversary, maybe even on the year, there was a memorial service held at the World War II Museum in Auburn. I was asked to sing "For Such a Time as This." I thought it was a wildly inappropriate song for the occasion. I really didn't see what Esther had to do with the attacks on September 11. (It also didn't help that my school had done the asking, and I was not a fan of that place. Also, it was originally sung by a man. Not exactly my range.) But whatever. For the first time, I felt connected to what had happened.

Regardless of how it seemed then, time didn't really stop. Gradually, we moved on. We adjusted. Adapted. Sure, we looked up a little too long when we heard a plane. We spent a little more time at church. For awhile. We made a solemn decision to go to war. Then we spent seven+ years arguing about that decision. The war settled into the background.

In 2004, I went to New York City for my senior class trip. We went to Ground Zero. There's a whole page in my yearbook about it. (Probably because I'm the one who put it together.)







At the time, they were still working on shoring up some of the tunnels and fixing the surrounding damage, including Building 7. We saw the damaged sculpture that had been in the courtyard. There was almost a visceral connection for me to the site. For one, I couldn't believe how small it was. It seemed impossible that two towers could have fit in that small block of space, and I couldn't imagine how anyone got out alive. And I have a very vivid imagination. I think that was part of my problem.

I very nearly couldn't look. But once I looked, I couldn't stop looking. Exactly three times in the last ten years, I have felt compelled to watch videos of 9/11. It was a little bit like torture, because once I started down that path, I couldn't stop until it felt like my soul had been shredded. At least one of those times, I really freaked out a friend of mine. I bought the movie on DVD, but to this day, I can't watch it.

And I don't understand why I feel this way. The events of that day have somehow latched on to my heart, and sometimes, all I have to do is hear the words 'September 11' and I'm back to how I felt that day. All the fear, all the confusion, all the horror at watching bodies falling a hundred stories. It's like it happened yesterday.

I was mildly patriotic before September 11, 2001. Now, the force of my devotion to the United States of America sometimes scares me. I have to reign myself in because my thoughts are decidedly unChristian. I hate the people who did this because they stole from me a great deal of my capacity to feel compassion. Yet I must also love them and pray for their compatriots who are still trying to kill my countrymen. Sometimes I hate my country. I can't begin to tell you how difficult that is.

I'm angry.

I don't know when or if I'll stop being angry. I ask God every day for peace in my heart.

I fail a lot.

I wonder sometimes if this is how my grandparents felt after Pearl Harbor. In the 1970 film Tora Tora Tora!, following the surprise attack in Hawaii, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto says, "I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." It's unlikely the Admiral actually said this, though there are apocryphal accounts of similar phraseology. However, I can't help but feel that the sentiment is incredibly accurate when applied to me on that awful day ten years ago.

I woke up.

I woke up to a world that has been steeped in sin and evil since Adam and Eve decided to trust a snake over God. I woke up to a world that sees genocide as an acceptable practice as long as it's done in secret. I woke up to a world that has no problem killing unborn children because they are unwanted, senior citizens because they are a drain on society, each other because we can. I woke up to a world that worships at the altars of tolerance and political correctness. I woke up to a world that deserves every horrifying thing that happens to it and more.

And yet...

Three years ago, I felt God's calling to become a missionary. I thought it was ridiculous. I was like Jonah, ready for God to punish Nineveh. He wanted me to forgive them? Ludicrous! Who does that? Why bother saving these people?

But He saved me. And I KNOW what I am.

Because His Love Compels Me - I must take up my cross and follow Him.
Because His Love Compels Me - I must love others as He loves me.
Because His Love Compels Me - I must extend the mercy and grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ unto the nations, making disciples and baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

Poland, Part Two

We left the English camp on Saturday after the final party. It was a lovely drive to Krakow. When I was in Poland before, we went to Warsaw, which was fabulous, but I've been wanting to go to Krakow for a long time. Not only is it where Oskar Schindler's factory is located, but it is slightly more than an hour away from Oswiecim - or, as it is better known, -

Auschwitz.

I blogged a little bit of my experience there when I returned to the hostel in Krakow. At the time, though, I was still reeling from the sheer emotion of the place. If you read the post, it probably sounded like I was relatively unaffected. I talked about the weather and the logistics, but I never really said how it made me feel. There's a reason for that. A word of advice: don't go to a concentration camp the day before your trip ends. It took a great deal of effort to maintain that intellectual facade until I actually had time to process what I had seen.

This is probably one of the few posts that I will do containing a soundtrack. This is the music that was in my head while I walked the grounds of Birkenau and Auschwitz. The songs are from Schindler's List and The Pianist.



We started at Auschwitz II-Birkenau. Heinrich Himmler, commander of the SS, referred to Birkenau as the place of the "final solution of the Jewish question in Europe." Birkenau was constructed for the specific purpose of easing the burden on Auschwitz I, mainly through the means of extermination. 1.1 million people died in the camp, 90 percent of them Jews.


Looking in from the outside.

I think one of the most surprising things about Birkenau was just how few people we saw there. This was compounded when we went to Auschwitz I and encountered the hundred other people in our tour group. Honestly, it was almost a blessing. It's hard enough to think about what happened there - I really didn't need a ton of other people observing my sorrow.


On the other side of the wall. Most of the people who came through those gates never left - even when they were dead.


Looking back at the entrance from about halfway. The camp was divided between men and women, separated by the tracks.


Part of the remains of Crematorium II. There were eventually four crematoriums at Birkenau. They were demolished by the Nazis before the camp was liberated by the Soviets.


There are several of these pools around the crematoriums. I mentioned before that most prisoners didn't get to leave even when they were dead. Ashes were dumped in these pools, in the river behind the camp or were used as fertilizer for the surrounding fields.



There is a memorial between two of the crematoriums. It is a monument dedicated to everyone who lost their lives. Each stone represents a country that Jews were deported from to Auschwitz.


Part of the sewage plant. At one point, there were more than 90,000 prisoners at Birkenau. There were plans in place to expand the camp. Had the war continued, or the Germans won, it is impossible to determine how many more people would have been murdered.


Off in the distance, you can see the camp entrance. One of the reasons fewer people visit Birkenau is that so little of the camp has been preserved. Well, at least in some people's opinions. Most of the barracks were wood buildings, and many have collapsed. They've rebuilt some of them, but the fireplaces are all that exist of the rest. The crematoriums were also destroyed, and the only other thing still standing is the shower building. Still, I spent two hours there, and it wasn't nearly enough to grasp the scale of everything.


The barracks were designed to hold 52 horses. Instead, they housed up to 400 prisoners.



After Birkenau, we went to Auschwitz I, the original camp. Auschwitz was actually three main camps, including Auschwitz III-Monowitz. Monowitz was a labor camp primarily for IG Farben, but none of the buildings exist today. There were also 45 satellite camps connected to Auschwitz.


The main gate at Auschwitz. Arbeit Macht Frei: Work Makes You Free. When prisoners were first sent to the camp, they believed that maxim. This is not the original sign. You may recall that the original was stolen last year and cut into three parts. It has been recovered, but will likely never be put back over the gate.


The camp was originally a Polish army barracks.


Auschwitz started as a place to put political dissidents, mostly Polish prisoners and Soviet POWs. Gradually, more and more 'undesirables' were sent there, including gypsies and Jews. There were five other extermination camps, all in Poland, but most of the deported Jews were sent first to Auschwitz. They came literally from all over Europe.

In one of the buildings, there was a model of a crematorium. I'm not going to post the pictures of it. One of my constant internal battles was over whether or not to take pictures. On the one hand, it felt wrong to take pictures, like I was allowing evil to perpetuate. On the other hand, evil does perpetuate if men are not made to see what it leads to. People need to know what happened. The Holocaust was real. I came to the conclusion that it would be more wrong to give in to my personal discomfort than to let my pictures speak truth.

I'm going to tell you now, though. It only gets worse from here.


These cannisters held Zyklon B. Each one was used in the gas chambers.


There were two places where we were not allowed to take pictures. The first was in another room of this building. I was curious - everything we saw was horrifying, so what could be even worse that we were asked not to photograph it. The answer nearly made me vomit. The room was probably fifteen feet by seventy-five feet. I don't want to know how deep.

It was filled with human hair.

The Nazis had told the Jews that they were being relocated. So when the people were sent to Auschwitz, they brought their lives with them. And the Nazis stole everything. There is a room full of suitcases. A room full of toothbrushes. A room full of pots and pans. A room full of shoes. And a room full of hair.

The second place we weren't allowed to take pictures was the basement of Building 11. This was the building where the 'trials' would take place. It was also the building where people were tortured. Just because. There are three types of rooms in the basement: Standing cells, where four men would be placed in a square foot of space overnight with no recourse but to stand; Starvation cells, where prisoners were given neither food nor water until they died; and Dark cells, airtight rooms where prisoners were kept until they used up all the oxygen in the room.

I didn't want to take pictures of any of those.


Right next to Building 11 was the Death Wall. Once their trial was over, prisoners were taken to the wall, told to kneel, and then shot in the back of the head. Thousands were executed at this wall.


Thousands more were killed here. This crematorium was built as a test - it is the model for the crematoriums that were built at Birkenau, though those were larger. It is essentially three rooms. In the first, people were stripped and told that they would have a shower. In the second, they were gassed. In most cases, it took less than fifteen minutes. In the third, their bodies were stuffed into furnaces and burned.

I hesitated here more than anywhere when taking the photo. Death permeates the walls. It doesn't take much imagination to hear the cries of the thousands of terrified people who were murdered so efficiently. Ghostly fingers scrabble at your skin, pulling your hair, each touch demanding justice. Each silenced voice begs for the chance to make himself known.


By the time I reached this point, I was feeling very unChristian. Rudolf Höss, the first commandant of Auschwitz, was hanged on these gallows on April 16, 1947. They are right next to the crematorium. I was reminded a little of how I felt when I heard Osama bin Laden had been killed. I have to confess, though, that I felt no remorse at all over the death of Höss. His house was maybe 200 feet from the chimneys of the crematorium. At Nuremberg, he bragged that he had killed 3 million Jews. No. I felt no remorse for him.

I felt guilty. How does something like this happen? How do so many people look the other way? How do you reach a point where genocide seems like a viable option?

Oddly enough, the only question I never asked was why? I never asked God how He could let something like this happen. I know the answer. God didn't put those people there. God gave His Son for them. But He didn't just die for the prisoners. He died for the SS. Do you know how hard it is to accept that? We tell ourselves all the time that there is no difference between a big sin and a little one. But we don't believe it. We look at our lives, and we tell ourselves, "Well at least I never killed someone. At least I didn't steal. At least I didn't rape."

And yet... I see a place like Auschwitz, and I realize just how little it would take to actually reach that point. All of those people who lived near the camps, who told the Allies they had no idea what was happening less than a mile away... We are those people. We live next door to sin. We like to party with sin on the weekend. We like to dip our toe in, just to see what the fuss is all about. But at least we don't go all the way.




All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.