Poland, Part Two

We left the English camp on Saturday after the final party. It was a lovely drive to Krakow. When I was in Poland before, we went to Warsaw, which was fabulous, but I've been wanting to go to Krakow for a long time. Not only is it where Oskar Schindler's factory is located, but it is slightly more than an hour away from Oswiecim - or, as it is better known, -

Auschwitz.

I blogged a little bit of my experience there when I returned to the hostel in Krakow. At the time, though, I was still reeling from the sheer emotion of the place. If you read the post, it probably sounded like I was relatively unaffected. I talked about the weather and the logistics, but I never really said how it made me feel. There's a reason for that. A word of advice: don't go to a concentration camp the day before your trip ends. It took a great deal of effort to maintain that intellectual facade until I actually had time to process what I had seen.

This is probably one of the few posts that I will do containing a soundtrack. This is the music that was in my head while I walked the grounds of Birkenau and Auschwitz. The songs are from Schindler's List and The Pianist.



We started at Auschwitz II-Birkenau. Heinrich Himmler, commander of the SS, referred to Birkenau as the place of the "final solution of the Jewish question in Europe." Birkenau was constructed for the specific purpose of easing the burden on Auschwitz I, mainly through the means of extermination. 1.1 million people died in the camp, 90 percent of them Jews.


Looking in from the outside.

I think one of the most surprising things about Birkenau was just how few people we saw there. This was compounded when we went to Auschwitz I and encountered the hundred other people in our tour group. Honestly, it was almost a blessing. It's hard enough to think about what happened there - I really didn't need a ton of other people observing my sorrow.


On the other side of the wall. Most of the people who came through those gates never left - even when they were dead.


Looking back at the entrance from about halfway. The camp was divided between men and women, separated by the tracks.


Part of the remains of Crematorium II. There were eventually four crematoriums at Birkenau. They were demolished by the Nazis before the camp was liberated by the Soviets.


There are several of these pools around the crematoriums. I mentioned before that most prisoners didn't get to leave even when they were dead. Ashes were dumped in these pools, in the river behind the camp or were used as fertilizer for the surrounding fields.



There is a memorial between two of the crematoriums. It is a monument dedicated to everyone who lost their lives. Each stone represents a country that Jews were deported from to Auschwitz.


Part of the sewage plant. At one point, there were more than 90,000 prisoners at Birkenau. There were plans in place to expand the camp. Had the war continued, or the Germans won, it is impossible to determine how many more people would have been murdered.


Off in the distance, you can see the camp entrance. One of the reasons fewer people visit Birkenau is that so little of the camp has been preserved. Well, at least in some people's opinions. Most of the barracks were wood buildings, and many have collapsed. They've rebuilt some of them, but the fireplaces are all that exist of the rest. The crematoriums were also destroyed, and the only other thing still standing is the shower building. Still, I spent two hours there, and it wasn't nearly enough to grasp the scale of everything.


The barracks were designed to hold 52 horses. Instead, they housed up to 400 prisoners.



After Birkenau, we went to Auschwitz I, the original camp. Auschwitz was actually three main camps, including Auschwitz III-Monowitz. Monowitz was a labor camp primarily for IG Farben, but none of the buildings exist today. There were also 45 satellite camps connected to Auschwitz.


The main gate at Auschwitz. Arbeit Macht Frei: Work Makes You Free. When prisoners were first sent to the camp, they believed that maxim. This is not the original sign. You may recall that the original was stolen last year and cut into three parts. It has been recovered, but will likely never be put back over the gate.


The camp was originally a Polish army barracks.


Auschwitz started as a place to put political dissidents, mostly Polish prisoners and Soviet POWs. Gradually, more and more 'undesirables' were sent there, including gypsies and Jews. There were five other extermination camps, all in Poland, but most of the deported Jews were sent first to Auschwitz. They came literally from all over Europe.

In one of the buildings, there was a model of a crematorium. I'm not going to post the pictures of it. One of my constant internal battles was over whether or not to take pictures. On the one hand, it felt wrong to take pictures, like I was allowing evil to perpetuate. On the other hand, evil does perpetuate if men are not made to see what it leads to. People need to know what happened. The Holocaust was real. I came to the conclusion that it would be more wrong to give in to my personal discomfort than to let my pictures speak truth.

I'm going to tell you now, though. It only gets worse from here.


These cannisters held Zyklon B. Each one was used in the gas chambers.


There were two places where we were not allowed to take pictures. The first was in another room of this building. I was curious - everything we saw was horrifying, so what could be even worse that we were asked not to photograph it. The answer nearly made me vomit. The room was probably fifteen feet by seventy-five feet. I don't want to know how deep.

It was filled with human hair.

The Nazis had told the Jews that they were being relocated. So when the people were sent to Auschwitz, they brought their lives with them. And the Nazis stole everything. There is a room full of suitcases. A room full of toothbrushes. A room full of pots and pans. A room full of shoes. And a room full of hair.

The second place we weren't allowed to take pictures was the basement of Building 11. This was the building where the 'trials' would take place. It was also the building where people were tortured. Just because. There are three types of rooms in the basement: Standing cells, where four men would be placed in a square foot of space overnight with no recourse but to stand; Starvation cells, where prisoners were given neither food nor water until they died; and Dark cells, airtight rooms where prisoners were kept until they used up all the oxygen in the room.

I didn't want to take pictures of any of those.


Right next to Building 11 was the Death Wall. Once their trial was over, prisoners were taken to the wall, told to kneel, and then shot in the back of the head. Thousands were executed at this wall.


Thousands more were killed here. This crematorium was built as a test - it is the model for the crematoriums that were built at Birkenau, though those were larger. It is essentially three rooms. In the first, people were stripped and told that they would have a shower. In the second, they were gassed. In most cases, it took less than fifteen minutes. In the third, their bodies were stuffed into furnaces and burned.

I hesitated here more than anywhere when taking the photo. Death permeates the walls. It doesn't take much imagination to hear the cries of the thousands of terrified people who were murdered so efficiently. Ghostly fingers scrabble at your skin, pulling your hair, each touch demanding justice. Each silenced voice begs for the chance to make himself known.


By the time I reached this point, I was feeling very unChristian. Rudolf Höss, the first commandant of Auschwitz, was hanged on these gallows on April 16, 1947. They are right next to the crematorium. I was reminded a little of how I felt when I heard Osama bin Laden had been killed. I have to confess, though, that I felt no remorse at all over the death of Höss. His house was maybe 200 feet from the chimneys of the crematorium. At Nuremberg, he bragged that he had killed 3 million Jews. No. I felt no remorse for him.

I felt guilty. How does something like this happen? How do so many people look the other way? How do you reach a point where genocide seems like a viable option?

Oddly enough, the only question I never asked was why? I never asked God how He could let something like this happen. I know the answer. God didn't put those people there. God gave His Son for them. But He didn't just die for the prisoners. He died for the SS. Do you know how hard it is to accept that? We tell ourselves all the time that there is no difference between a big sin and a little one. But we don't believe it. We look at our lives, and we tell ourselves, "Well at least I never killed someone. At least I didn't steal. At least I didn't rape."

And yet... I see a place like Auschwitz, and I realize just how little it would take to actually reach that point. All of those people who lived near the camps, who told the Allies they had no idea what was happening less than a mile away... We are those people. We live next door to sin. We like to party with sin on the weekend. We like to dip our toe in, just to see what the fuss is all about. But at least we don't go all the way.




All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

Poland, Part One

It's time.

I know, I know. We've passed it's time and have moved on to really? she's going to make me read about her trip now? that is so four weeks ago! (When I started this post, four was two.)

Well, in the (paraphrased) words of one of the characters on the newest show I've started, you have now been rerouted to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Yes, at long last, you have come to the gigantic post about my trip to Poland. As you may have noticed from the title, however, this is indeed only part one. Part two will deal exclusively with Auschwitz.

So, Poland. You should know by now that Europe is one of my favorite places in the world. I love the feel of it, I love the people, I love the history - honestly, it feels like coming home whenever I go to Europe.

Poland, however, has been something of a sore subject with me. I went there the first time in 2006, and to be perfectly frank, it was not the best trip I've taken. There were a lot of factors that fed into that, but it's fair to say that my memories of my time there were somewhat tainted by the events of that trip.

I was really excited about this trip, though, mostly because I felt like it would somehow redeem the country in my mind. I felt at peace about my decision to participate, but within a few days of making that decision, I really felt like I was under attack. I know I posted a little bit of how I was feeling on here, but it really was unlike anything I've experienced before.

Before I left, though, I felt like I was in a good place spiritually and emotionally, which was a good thing, because this was one of the hardest trips I've taken.

I have to be careful here. I don't know who might be reading, and I don't want certain people to get the wrong impression. I loved this trip. I love the people who went on this trip. I love the people I met.

But I was dealing with a lot that I didn't mention at the time.

How much do I say?

We'll see.

The primary reason for the trip was the English camp run by Arek and Donna Delik in Kutno.


It's a wild and crazy week of classes and games and lots of ice cream. I taught a class on journalism to about 60 kids (divided into four groups). We covered a lot of material (too much), including a bit of photojournalism.





Needless to say, all of the groups were very unique.


As was the team. (I look really stupid in that picture. Like most things, there is a story behind that.)

(I have a ton more pictures on Facebook that will give you a more rounded view of the trip.

It WAS a good trip. And it did redeem Poland. I don't want you to get the wrong idea because of what I said before. My issues are my own. These are people I will never forget.




This is a country that will always be in my heart.



Really, what more can you ask?





I realize this post didn't really explain much of anything about my trip, but it's actually a lot more than I was originally going to share. It's amazing what wounds time can heal.

And now I went all cryptic again.

Oops.

Auschwitz is coming next.

Re-entry

I feel the need to explain some of my post-trip decompression process. It is not a fool-proof method, and really, you should only use it if you don't mind ending up with severe neuroses like mine.

1. Plan for re-entry before you leave. This is incredibly important. You are the only one who knows how you process things. Do you need people? Do you need quiet? Every trip you go on is a life-changing experience, and if you aren't prepared to process what you see and hear, you will lose some of what you could have learned. Personally, I need some quiet time with my family (usually my parents). My mom always knows which questions to ask to draw out those little nuggets of gold, but she also respects that it may take me some time to answer a specific question.

2. Journal. Religiously. I don't care if you just write a list of your activities, take the time at the end of the day to write. Write about what happened, how it made you feel, things you overheard, people you were frustrated by - whatever, vomit as much as you can on the page. It's really easy to forget the little things that brightened your day if you don't write them down. I have a specific journal that I use for all my trips, because a lot of what I experience has happened before in some form or another. It's easier to go back and see how certain things were handled if it's all in one place.

3. Don't make any monumental decisions for at least two days after you get home. It would be really easy to come back from the poverty of Africa and decide you really don't need all that stuff in your house. And yeah, you may not need it. But take a few days to think about it. Are you ready to give all your money to the Nicaragua building fund? Fantastic. Can you afford it? Probably not. It's okay to want to take action about what you've seen; in fact, I would encourage it. But do it in a way that makes sense for you.

4. Talk to people about your trip. I know, you didn't expect to see that on any list I made, but it is important. There are certain things to remember, though. First, I'm going to address the more verbose members of my audience. You will have no problem with this. In fact, you are going to tell everyone you meet about this trip, regardless of whether or not they want to hear about it, and that's fine. But respect your audience. No one has experienced exactly what you have on this trip, and they may not be quite as enthused about the things you saw as you are. That's why it's important to plan ahead. Do you have people who will listen to you no matter what? Talk to them first. They will listen to all you have to say, and then they can help you pick out some shorter stories that you can tell to the less patient individuals who ask about your trip but don't really want to hear everything.

Now, as for the rest of us, I realize that asking you to talk is akin to asking you to climb into the lion cage at the zoo - utterly unthinkable. But people can actually have some value for you at this stage. Take your time to think and process on your own, but when people ask you questions about your trip, try to answer them with more than four words. They might ask you things you wouldn't think about on your own. I was really frustrated when I got back from Thailand and South Asia because I was having a hard time processing things. But the more people asked me about the trip, the more I was able to think and process.

Also, for both types of people, it may help to have a reunion with the people who were with you on the trip. Then again, it may not. But if you do, try to forgive the people who really annoyed you. It'll help with the next one.

5. Be at peace. Whatever your final conclusions are about the trip, you aren't done with re-entry until you make your peace with it. Whether you have some things to change, decisions to make, people to forgive or ask forgiveness of, don't start something else until you feel peace in your soul about your trip. I hesitated when I was first asked to go to Poland because I still wasn't at peace over South Asia. Once I had settled things there, I could concentrate on seeking God's will about Poland.

You should be able to track this process pretty well in my blog posts. I may not mention it at all, but you will be able to tell how I'm doing by the length of time it takes me to get a trip post done.

On that note, expect the Poland post to be up soon.

Lions and Snakes and Wobbly Brains

Every so often, I'll put my iPod on shuffle and the songs that come forth fit perfectly with my mood. This isn't entirely a surprise considering the only songs I put on my (old) iPod were ones I really liked that fit my personality. Still, there is a good mix of fast, slow, ballads and instrumentals, so when five or six songs in a row hit the right note (pun intended), it is a nice feeling.

This has not happened to me for a long time.

However, BibleGateway has this option where you can get a daily verse delivered right to your email, and I would like to share with you some that have been especially poignant.

May 30 - "In God, whose word I praise -- in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals to do me?" Psalm 56:4

June 24 - "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

July 7 - "As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." Psalm 18:30

As you may recall, I was engaged in some serious spiritual warfare before my trip to Poland. My friends and family were being attacked, I was being hit with serious doubt and that mangy old lion--

Curious, isn't it, that C.S. Lewis chose a lion to represent Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia. While a lion certainly is majestic, it is also a fearsome beast. Of course, Lewis made a point of making sure everyone knew that Aslan was not a tame lion. I just think it is an odd choice, especially since Peter described Satan as a roaring lion, seeking those he could devour. Maybe Lewis used The Last Battleto reconcile these opposing views. Puzzle was a pathetic lion, to be sure, but Shift, as the power behind the deception, certainly capitalized on the 'not a tame lion' bit.

Sorry. Now you know how my thought process works. It's amazing I ever get anything done.

Anyway, the rotten snake (no problems there) was doing his level best to tear me apart before the trip. By the grace of God, I won the majority of the skirmishes. I left for my trip on June 24.

I'm not going to get into everything here. For one, there are people who might read this who I haven't told certain things, some because they haven't asked, but others because I just didn't want to tell them. I would hate for anything I said to cause problems with them. Also, I haven't quite worked out everything for myself, and while I could do that as I write, no one wants to work their way through the mess that would follow.

Suffice to say, this was not the best trip I've ever been on. It was also not the worst trip I've ever been on. (That would be my first trip to Poland.) There were plenty of challenges, plenty of blessings, but when I think about what could have happened if I had already been beaten and broken, all I can do is thank God for His faithfulness. It shouldn't come as any surprise that he knows what he is doing.

Well, this started in one corner of my brain and ended up somewhere completely different. I'll end it here, hoping I haven't completely frustrated you all once again by saying a lot and very little at the same time.

If you have any resources on Lewis' reasoning behind making Aslan a lion, I would be very interested to read it.

Hostel Internet

Every website that I visited that is connected in any way with Google is in Polish. Shouldn't they intuitively know I am an American in Poland? Sheesh. (Incidentally, variations of that word mean both 'hi' and 'six' in Polish. I can't explain it either.)

So, I've been in Poland for more than a week, but this is the first time that I have actually had a) internet access and b) more than two minutes to sit down and write something. Things were crazy at the English camp! We had about 55 students, all with varying levels of English ability. We had to do quite a bit of adapting on the fly, which is always frustrating and challenging. I think we ended up with some really good stuff, though, and I hope the students were able to learn and have fun at the same time.

We are now in Krakow, staying at a hostel just off the city square. We spent the day in Auschwitz. It was miserable, first because of the subject matter, and second because of the weather. My umbrella is pretty much trashed from the wind and rain. I don't think I've dried out yet. It was definitely appropriate ambiance for the concentration camps, though. It was more than sobering - it was horrifying. As someone who has spent no small amount of time studying World War II, I found the whole experience provided some excellent perspective. It was definitely interesting to hear things from several different points of view. Our tour guide certainly didn't pull any punches. It was also interesting to see just how little is left of Birkenau. I have to clarify somewhat, because Birkenau is absolutely huge. It covers quite a few square kilometers, but the Germans tried to destroy most of it when they realized the Red Army was about to arrive. Very little has been restored at Birkenau, but I could easily have spent another two hours just walking around the camp.

I could also spend all of this post talking about what I saw today, but I will refrain.

Poland, like most of Europe, feels very old and quaint. I keep taking photos, but I don't think any of them will do it justice. Besides, you don't want to see 1300 photos from my trip, anyway.



I may post again tomorrow, but in all honesty, I probably won't post anything until I'm back home. I need to organize my thoughts. For now, I will bid you adieu.

I'm concerned.

Not worried. Not yet.

But I am concerned.

I'm beginning to realize that this upcoming trip may be more important than I realized.

Why do I think this?

Because Satan has been attacking left, right and center. He's attacking the team, he's attacking emotions, he's attacking people we care about, he's sabotaging preparations.

I'm tired of it.

WE WILL NOT BE MOVED.

So stop trying.

My God is bigger.

He's stronger.

He loves me.

He loves the team.

And He is going to kick the Devil to the curb.

That is all.

Mish-Mash

I have no excuse. I just haven't felt like posting. Everything I could talk about seems inadequate.

I've been in this weird mood, lately. Well, it's not weird for me. It happens every so often. But it's hard to snap out of it. I'm not really sure how.

Anyway.

My trip to Pennsylvania was brilliant. I met many fantastic people who showed a lot of interest in my trip to Thailand and South Asia. They were very good to me and my traveling companions, and I hope I can visit with them again in the near future.

I may have also purchased a really awesome souvenir in Gettysburg. But I'll leave that to your imagination.

Remember way back in time, when I mentioned my spider bite? Yeah, it's still there. It hadn't been bothering me, I think mostly because I've learned to compensate and not use it as much. However, I accidentally bumped it the other day, and sure enough, it started radiating pain again. This must have been one mother of a spider!

On the subject of creepy crawlies, I figured out a mostly-successful solution to my ant problem. (I had ants in my apartment. Big ones.) My dear friend Arika suggested using Boric Acid. So I bought some. And I've decided I like it. I used to drown the ants in Raid, but now, when I see one, it's dead and covered in a fine, white powder.

Sadistic? Yes. Awesome? Definitely.

Let's see. Oh! We have more people in our office now. Beka left us for Mobilization (I'm getting over it. Really.), and we got some interns for the summer! I'll try to get a picture of them sometime so you can see who I get to torture now. (I'm not that bad. Am I?) Anyway, whereas I had no one sitting by me after Beka left, I now have people across from me, beside me and diagonal from me.

I had to stop playing Solitaire at work. :(

Just kidding! Now I just hide it better.

I told you I was in a weird mood.

Let's see. Anything else happen lately? Nothing is really coming to mind. I updated the blog. There are tags for each post, and you can now view my blog on a mobile device. I'm considering Google's ad deal, but I don't want to inundate you guys. However, I am increasingly short on funds. I'm being stretched rather thin, especially with all these trips.

Oh yeah! I'm going to Poland in two weeks. I was really sick the last time I went, so I'm hoping this experience makes up for how miserable I was before. A few other really bad things happened on that trip, and I'm trying not to let that overshadow my preparations. Not that I've really begun preparing for the trip, of course. I'm too busy trying to get things together at work. Next week. Right?

Okay, I'm going to coffee break at MFM soon, so I'm going to leave you with a fantastic new word that Lori and I found. Are you ready for this?

MUMPSIMUS -noun
--adherence to or persistence in an erroneous use of language, memorization, practice, belief, etc., out of habit or obstinacy

Love it!